My bad days and my darkness isn’t the same as anyone else’s there is good days there is bad, there is compulsion. There is obsession. My pain and my way of dealing with things isn’t how healthy people deal with things and it’s not something that I can just ignore when it’s bad. You can’t understand what it’s like to have fought this since being 13 years old and how much I fight every day to be here, to be a wife and a mother. What it takes me to get up and you might feel similar but it’s not the same. I haven’t self harmed in a couple of years but that’s out of sheer will power and fighting for it. I haven’t tried to kill myself in a decade but again it’s because of what I have here, doesn’t mean it isn’t a fight. It’s hard and it’s scary and I struggle but I get on with it mostly because I have to, because that’s what we have to do. We fight the demons behind closed doors and smile to those that knock to visit... I don’t know how to properly explain it and that’s why I don’t try to open up and explain because it’s hard to explain and difficult to understand and you might think I’m strong but I just feel broken...