I was so scared when the nurses told me I was too far in labor to stop it and you had to come out immediately, by c section. I was terrified when they said you died when they cut your cord and cried when I was told it took 40 minutes to revive you. The fact that you came back tells me you're gonna be a fighter. When they wheeled you in before transporting you 3 hours away, I held back tears trying to fall because you were so small and the most beautiful thing I've ever done with my life. The transport team let me touch you and I will never forget that moment. I did let tears fall then. You're so fragile, but you still had a heartbeat. Still Have a heart beat. You're only 11 days old and the strongest person I've ever met. I sit beside your little NICU bed and watch you breathe or look at the heart beats. I pump my sore breasts for you because it's the only thing I can do to help you. I wonder who you will be more like. I joke with the nurses about who you get your behaviors from, knowing it's not anything to do with genetics, just things that happen with preemies. I am 3 hours away from your daddy so I can make sure you are okay every single day. I miss him but I know he is okay.

I saw a sign for the lottery and knew I was in love with your little butt when my first thought was money can't buy what I want most. My little boy to be okay and be in my tummy still growing, not in a NICU for the next 3 months.