Sorry this is very long plz forgive me :(

So I went to get my nails done with my mom today for a party. I haven’t gotten them done in awhile. So I thought that the deal was Monday-Thursday $15 mani pedi but it wasn’t til after I got them done that my mom realized it was mon-Wednesday so she had to pay $25. I felt bad cuz I didn’t remember. So I’m waiting for my nails to dry and she starts talking to me about how I did absolutely nothing this summer. (I’m 16) how I’m lazy and spend too much time on social media and stuff. I got my working papers in May but she didn’t bother to fill them out so I never got them official. I was offered a babysitting job but my mom thought I was incapable of even taking care of myself, and the lady never got back to me anyways. So I never really bothered after that anyways. So now it’s August. She’s telling me to be productive and stuff before summers over. And I said it’s hard cuz I’ve got to adjust to everyone’s schedule. Then she lost it. She said that everyone has to adjust to MY schedule and that they can’t do stuff because of me. Literally I don’t get what she’s talking about cuz I hangout with my friends only like once or twice a month so chill lmfao. Like I wanted to go to dinner with my friends last week and she decided that SHE wanted to go out that night too but couldn’t bc I would need a ride. Like she never wants to go out but the one time I do she acts like I’m ruining her whole life. Like sorry I don’t have a car and can’t drive yet??? And she’ll only allow me to hangout if i can carpool which is really ducking difficult bc im friends with a girl who has a single mom and teaches in a diff town so she doesn’t get home til late meanwhile my mom is a stay at home and my dad doesn’t mind driving at all he’s so nice. I get she doesn’t want them to take advantage of me but she’s blowing it out of proportion. So I went to the dinner anyways and she stayed home. She kept saying how all my friends have jobs and permits and I don’t. My mom was getting our kitchen redone this summer so every damn day there’s workers and it’s not like she could just leave so how would i get to work??? It’s so annoying. She’s saying that I’m useless cuz I can’t cook, iron, PLAN A VACATION, do laundry, etc. like I’m ducking 16. And I’m the youngest and no body bothers to teach me anything in life anyways. I deadass couldn’t tie my shoes until 5th grade because nobody taught me how to do it properly 😭 she says I need to grow up if i am going to live at college. (Which I am bc i can’t stand it in my house)

And that’s where it got worse.

She asked what I was doing as far as looking into colleges and what I wanna do with my life. And she said it looked like i was doing absolutely nothing. Which isn’t true bc I have sorta but bc i didn’t do it in front of her eyes she doesn’t believe me.

And I’ve been stressing out a lot over college lately.

So I started crying in the nail salon. Humiliated. And I asked her to talk about it later Bc obviously I would’ve kept crying.

Her bitch ass kept talking making it worse.

So we’re walking out and then she makes me go shopping with her. But before we go in she says that obviously something is bugging me and asked what’s wrong.

Like...

So i told her I was freaking out about junior year and college and stuff like ANY OTHER TEEN

and you know what she said?

She literally screamed at me in public “why are you fucking lying? It’s August. You don’t go back to school for another month. What other kid do you know that is stressing over school before it even started?”

I literally said “why would I lie about my feelings?”

Literally explain the logic lmao

You gonna tell me that what im feeling is bullshit? Lmfao get out of here

I told her I’m not like everyone else and she just rolled her eyes and walked away

Like it’s so hard for me to communicate in my family my feelings because my parents are jokers who literally talk about the same 3 things every night at dinner and worry about other shit than me. It drives me fucking nuts. Like they will talk about our neighbors for HOURS a day. Like mind ur fucking business who cares???

My brother has anger issues and gets stoned all the time and the other brother is whipped by his bitch ass girlfriend and my dad is vaping in secret and drinks a lot

I try so hard to be perfect for my family even though I’m not.

Like I don’t drink/smoke/have sex I try to get the best grades and be active in school etc and I feel so under appreciated for that. Like I’m sorry I don’t have a job yet and my friends are difficult to carpool with and I didn’t get my permit yet but I don’t even want to drive that much. At least not in a rush to.

This drives me mentally insane making me feel fucked up in the head. Like why bother when my family doesn’t give a fuck either?

So anyways we walk into the store and I said I needed to go to the bathroom cuz I wanted to cool off.

But really I just wanted to let it all out so I’m crying even more.

10 minutes later she comes barging in the store bathroom asking what’s taking so long screaming “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU BOO HOOING ABOUT? COME ON LETS GO”. Like damn I can’t even cry in peace. I felt like my brain was on fire. I was having a mental breakdown. I felt so ready to relapse in that moment.

Like I already feel bad enough about myself cuz I know I don’t have my shit together and Im not perfect and I can do better and i just make a million excuses for myself but still. I’m just a kid.

She says I’m selfish bc they have to wait on me for when I need rides and stuff.

It was just a messy day. I cried like 4 times.

This is sorta off track but

I feel like school is my only escape from home. Even tho it’s not the best there either. I wish i could talk to a therapist but the last time when the school found out I cut myself and was sorta suicidal (I was 14 and it was the worst year of my life cuz of other bad problems I won’t discuss) and called my parents they played the bullshit game like “yeah we’ll get her a therapist” blah blah blah...

That was over 2 years ago and i never got one 🤣🤣🤣

I mean I haven’t cut in over 2 years and 4 months since they found out.

But today I almost wanted to again. I was so close to. And the school psychologist they made me talk to was bullshit. I was put in a group where these two kids talked about the stupidest problems. One complained about gum on his shoes and the other about her lunch not made right meanwhile I’m sitting there suffering wanting to like jump off a cliff. They talked so much I never got a word in. Bull shit. I never get to talk about my feelings. Like i get that everyone has their own problems but like are you kidding I’m freaking out in a corner here. And when I was alone with the psychologist she made me feel so uncomfortable and queasy. I rather talk to my guidance counselor she’s so chill and easy to talk to but that’s not her job. :(

One more month til school starts again.

Every summer shit like this hit the fan and I go back into depression and anxiety. I could totally write so much more but I think i already wrote too much I’m sorry :( but did I deserve to be treated like that? Is that really abusive or is she just being a mom? :/