I wrote this as a way to vent my emotions and to give others the opportunity to think about something you may not have thought about before.

I believe that, if you are the one to constantly initiate conversation and your friend never does , you have to question yourself. Is this friendship strong and worth pursuing. If I stop initiating conversation , why do they never message and ask if I'm okay or ask why i've stopped talking to them. Through personal experience, trying to create a strong friendship when the other person never tries is excruciatingly painful and it can really do damage to ones self worth.

I often wonder how my other friends have 100 conversations at once while I can barely manage 1 or 2 for a long time. It saddens me to hear about how this person and that person talked SO MUCH last night because I never can say that. I never have those late night talks with friends over random or personal stuff.

There was one friend (hesitant to even call them a friend) that replied but after 9 o'clock he would stop. I would assume he's just gone to bed but instead I found out the next day that he was having some conversation with someone else till 11 o'clock. That one hurt. I'm so stupid because I talk the very next night with him and then the cycle just repeats itself.

I don’t understand this, am I asking for too much? Should I just continue like nothing happened and ignore it? Or should I just stop attempting to talk with him. Right now I feel like giving up because I've given so much effort into trying to have a friendship and got nothing in return.

When I make friends I expect a mutual platonic relationship and one that we can both value. It begs the question. How long do I have to not speak to them for, for them to start worrying. Or maybe I don't mean anything and they won't worry at all.

Is it stupid that this means so much to me?

At the end of the day I know that you can't make someone be friends with you, but is it so hard to at least give friendship a go .

Thanks for reading,

-Leah