Now that my head is on a little straighter and the morphine is out of my system...Here is a little glimpse of how terrible the last day of my pregnancy was.

I just had this feeling...and I've been telling those closest to me that I couldn't get excited to meet my last little monster because I was so scared of all the what ifs. (I truly did fear the spinal the most, and the reopening of my uterus a close second).

Start out with the usual inability to get a vein. But I'm used to that rodeo...third time was a charm there.

Then it was time to go and as soon as I walked into the OR the panic set in.

I climbed up on to the table and rolled my shoulders forward so they could numb me up. That's where it all went wrong. Even the numbing caused me pain. Of course to some extend things get blocked out but I truly don't remember struggling this bad with pain. . something wasn't right. I just remember apologizing over and over again for cursing and howling out in pain every few minutes that they tried to get that needle in the tiny space between my discs. I felt like I was toughing it out. I just kept praying to hear them say "ok we're done, it's in!"

Instead they said they had to try something else...and I couldn't help but cry. That didn't work either. Because they hit a nerve and it felt like my leg exploded. It was hot, like someone shot me and the heat and pain splintered down my thigh. I've never been so scared in my life.

Then my only option became missing everything. Which also meant Daddy had to miss everything too. Including cutting the cord. Our last baby, and no idea what was happening till it was over.

Waking up from that to excruciating pain everywhere. Now they wanna give me a button and a morphine drip. Needless to say I couldn't have a starting role as head zombie on next season of the Walking Dead. I've never been so out of it I'm my life. I hardly remember the rest of the day. And I didn't dare hold my baby like that. It was HOURS before I felt comfortable doing so and it was very short lived.

I've been up all night still, maybe just too over tired. But I'm using my time wisely and moving around as much as possible unassisted so the healing goes well. No more setbacks!!

So far so good with both of us.

Hopefully all stays well.