I have had depression since I was 14. This year it has come full force in a wave that is just ruining the best relationship I could ever ask for. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years and he is simply the most caring, understanding, loving, supportive man I have ever known. We own a home together, we have pets, we’re invested in each other’s families. We both have amazing careers and luckily do not struggle financially.

We hardly ever fight or bicker but when I get into “depressive episodes” I push him away. I’m distant and short with him. I seek comfort from my friends instead of him. I don’t want to be around him or tell him about my day or about what’s bothering me. He has done nothing to deserve the way I’m acting and even through all of it he’s still so supportive and patient. Some days I feel I’d be better off alone instead of putting him through this and dragging him down with me.

I know nobody’s advice will be for me to just give up and throw away what we have but I don’t know how to move forward from acting the way that I do. I’m in a self destructive mode and it needs to stop.