Preparing for the worst


I’m pregnant for the third time with the two previous ones ending in miscarriage before 6 weeks. I’m currently 4 weeks 2 days. I’m so paranoid about having another loss. It’s all I can think about. I find myself checking for blood every time I wipe. I’m doing what I need to but I’m trying to not even acknowledge I’m pregnant so maybe it won’t hurt as bad if my body fails me again. I haven’t even told anyone this time around because I don’t want to have to untell everyone again. I feel like if I let myself get too excited then it will all be taken away from me again. I’m jealous of new mothers who don’t have to deal with this fear. I wish I never experienced this loss. I wish I could be naive and excited.