Am I wrong?? I honestly don’t know how to feel...

Question

Back story ... 
My mom was in and out of my life and an alcoholic as far back as I can remember. She was in and out of jail and we were bounced around a lot. At one point she moved us 3 times in one week, 9 times in a month. My time in school from kindergarten to high school I was transferred 13 different times. We never had stability. Men in and out. Parties. Fights. Police. I could go on. It’s like my childhood was a lifetime movie. She would leave my younger sister and I with no power or food while she ran off with a man. Finally, my 7th grade year it all came to a halt. Child services stepped in and it was foster care or sign us over to another family member. She signed us over to my grandmother. 
As the years went on she went about her life. She would come around for a few months and stay clean but was gone again. 
I moved out on my own at 16 and have supported myself the best I could. There were times I would struggle as far as money etc. I managed to build a career and amazing life for myself. 
I am now 29 and happily married with two beautiful children. Through the years I have begged my mom to get sober and promised I would help her. I have offered her a place to stay anytime needed ( she’s never taken me up on it). I’ve sent her money more times than I can remember even if I didn’t have it. Paid her phone bill. Over sent her a pizza because she was starving. I have begged her to be in my kids life. Willing to do whatever I can to help get and just have my mom. She has never tried. She has met my daughter once over a year ago and saw my son maybe 10 times in his 9 years of life. Heck, I’ve only seen her 5 times in the past seven years.. She is currently homeless but my aunt and grandmother offered to let her stay with them and I have not and will never turn her away. However, for some reason she doesn’t want that... 
She calls me this morning and asks if I will pay for her to rent a hotel room for a while. It’s like $500 for the week or month I’m not sure. Well I told her I couldn’t and this was her response to me.... 
She has NEVER cared about me or my sister. NEVER wondered if we were fed or homeless. NEVER lost sleep worrying about us. She has never been a mom to us. My childhood was robbed because of her. Y’all have no idea what I went through. Sexual assault, rapes, I can go on but I won’t. However, I would still help her get her life back on track and never turn her out in the street but I honestly only hear from her when she wants something. 
All I ever wanted was a mom. To be able to go to lunch with my mom or my lids go see grandma, you know, the little things... I’ll never have that for them with her. 
Am I wrong to not get the room for her? Idk her response invoked all these emotions and feelings I guess from everything. 
I told her I would talk to my husband because I’m not just going to take $500 out of our account. He did get called into work early but either way the answer still would have been no. We would have offered to let her stay here and try to help her.

Answer

Tough Love. She doesn’t want help. She’s just looking for a way to continue her additions. You have your own family to look out for now. She’s a grown woman. You’ve offered and she’s refused. There’s nothing else for you to do. I know it’s hard but you need to put your own family first now. (((Hugs)))

Answer

Dude my story with my mother is very similar except my dad took me full time after my mom burned the shit out of brother and left him alone at a year old in the hospital.... I’ll tell you what I practice with my own mother. She will NEVER be what you need. She is not capable of it. She is not a mother and never has been. Leave her be and don’t look back. She is trying to hurt you intentionally to do what she wants. That is wrong.

Answer

I understand she is your mother but her behavior is uncalled for. She needs to act like an adult and look after herself. I know it's hard but seems like she's trying to manipulate you. I personally wouldnt be helping her

Answer

Here is some harsh truth. 
All you are doing is enabling her habits. 
Don’t ever send her money for somewhere to stay or to buy food or to get this or that. 
Offering your home gives her a place to eat and stay for free and if she isn’t willing to take that then she’s it using any of the money for what you think she is. 
But the other part about just wanting a mother I relate to so much. Mine dipped out when I was 4 or 5. I can’t remember. She chose sex, drugs, and lord knows what else. And I am so glad she did. I just know I’m twice the mother she ever was and I don’t biologically have any children of my own yet. I grew up to be who I am because of what she did. We finally spoke when i was 20. We met. I didn’t feel anything. It was like hanging out with a weird 40 beyear old. I ended up cutting ties because of other toxic things she pulled with my sister. I cut ties with her mother because she had the nerve to tell her grand child that taking care of her daughter was most important( guess she should have taught her to do the same)
Anyhow I get jealous of all these women who have bonds with their moms. I wonder what it’s like a lot to be able to ask for advice or to have your mom be so proud of you.

Answer

no no no, do NOT send that money to her. she probably is not using it for a room. unless you are actually making the reservation for the room, I dont see it.
I know you love your mom no matter the mother she wasnt during your childhood. you should absolutely want that. but she sounds like she is manipulating you and pulling at your heart strings to get you to give her what she wants. sometimes tough love is the love that she needs

Answer

First off im going to say that you’re not wrong at all, secondly I relate to your situation minus the drug part.
My mom is fucking nuts, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, etc... not to mention extremely selfish. Look up the definition of selfish, she will be the result.
My mom has never felt like a mother to me, something I told her the very last time I spoke to her months ago. 
When my 3 siblings and I were younger she did numerous things to us that scarred us and shaped us into who we are today. Thank god im nothing like her, but I mean mentally shaped us, both of my sisters and I struggle with anxiety and depression.. (our brother lives with his dad so we never get to see him unfortunately, she gave him up a long time ago because she “couldnt take care of him” (she never did, i did)
She would drop us off at peoples houses so she could go out and party ALL THE TIME. She dropped us of with so many different people, i dont even know who half of them were. My older sister continues to tell me things i had no idea about that my mom was doing while we were young.. surprise to me everytime. 
She left us for other people to take care of, ive lived in numerous places with her, and even lived with 3 different grandparents because she would drop us off like we were trash and the place was a garabage can, and just leave. She wouldnt come back for months. I would be enrolled in school doing fine then she would come back and rip me away back with her.
She has always stolen money from me when my grandaddy sent it, or lie and say “your letter didnt come this week” knowing damn well it did. 
She left me home alone with my two younger siblings for me to take care of when she would leave the house (where and why i still have no idea to this day). I even remember once when i was home alone with them, it was about sunset at this time and a cop car pulled up to our house. I peek out the window and see the cop going from window to window all around the house shining a light. I called my mom and she made me lock my 2 siblings and myself in the bathroom and just stay there. To this day and I don’t know why the cops were there, or where my mother was at. For years i took care of my younger siblings because she was always out partying. One thing she said several times was that my siblings and I were the reason for her “not being able to live her life” but yet she was ALWAYS out partying when i was home alone (8 years old) taking care of a 5 and 2 year old. 
There was a point where my older sister and her boyfriend were counting out pennies and dimes so we could (all 4 of us siblings) get food from the dollar menu at mcdonalds because there was nothing in the house to eat. 
But she had plenty of money to go to concerts and clubs to drink.
She has always blamed my siblings and I for her life being the way it is. Nothing she says or does is ever wrong in her eyes. All the places she dropped us off at, all the money she stole, the times she said she regrets us, belitted us, etc. 
I think she put all of those things shes done in a special place in her brain so she dosent think about it. 
When i was in highschool, if i missed the bus she would make me give her money to drive me 15 mins away to the school. I always had to have friends come pick me up, because she wouldnt take me. When i worked with her cleaning houses she again would steal my money. She never paid for anything. I think (since my parents are divorced and have been for about 19 yrs) that she used my siblings and I for money from my father or grandaddy. Thats all she cares about is money. Not her 4 kids, I dont think she ever cared for us a day in our lives. She gave my little brother up when he was only 4, let my sister move out at 16 to be with a guy, and gave my younger sister to my dads (at the time) girlfriend to live with. And i was stuck with her for 18 years. When i lived with her all she ever did was go out or bring guys home, even as young as 16 when she was 30+. She would lie and say i was her little sister or friend, to the guy so she could sleep with them. She brought home NUMEROUS amounts of men. Anytime i expressed my feelings/thoughts id be introuble and she would never be wrong. So i grew to hate/despise her for everything she has ever done. Especially recently. Earlier this year she had texted my older sister and I saying she couldnt afford to buy grocceries (she buys all organic non gmo etc etc which is expensive!) that she wasnt getting paid til a certain date and food stamps ran out blah blah blah... trying to guilt us into giving her money after i havent heard from her in idk how long. Before i forgot, shes very wasteful and lazy. My sister and i were cleaning dishes and the kitchen once because she left shit everywhere, food that was in a pot FOR DAYS that had mold on it, and we found a brand new unopened bag of lemons that had turned to DUST because they had been sitting for so long. Never mnew that could happen lol but theres no way i was sending her money for food she wastes like that.
But the very last time i spoke to her (i will insert pics) was enough for me to finally decide to remove her from my life for good. 
This was right before i moved in with my boyfriend, she hadnt talked to me since she asked for money months prior. She came out of the blue saying awful and childish things. Of course everything i said (which was factual) was being “direspectful” or wrong. Its like shes always right and nothing she has ever done is wrong and she belitted my boyfriend whom shes never met and knows nothing about so i finally cut ties.
When my mom asked for money, i didnt feel the least bit bad ignoring her text after all the money shes ever stolen, how shitty she treated me, how she talked shit about me, saying she regrets me, etc.. 
people like my mother deserve no handout, they want people to feel bad for them, for what? I dont, you shouldnt either. Im so sorry this is sooo long and i hope you would read it all  ut just know I understand your situation, and i didnt state everything here but its a lot as well...
Heres the pics.
Just know you’re not in the wrong, and dont stress over her 💜
Just for the record in her texts she said i chose not to be in her life, is a lie. I tried, but shes the one who made that choice, you cant force someone to be in your life if they dont care, and she sure as hell dosent care about me. Only called me to guilt me into sending her money, whats that tell you.. and remember im the problem, not her lol

Answer

No you’re not wrong. You all have offered her places to stay which is more than enough... she is declining but wants  $$, it’s clear she’s trying to manipulate and take advantage. Do not fall for the guilt trip.

Answer

You are not responsible for her. I know she is your mom, but it is not your fault that she is currently living the way she is. Family members have offered her a free place to stay and instead she wants to stay somewhere else and have you foot the bill. 
I’m so sorry you grew up dealing with this. I’m sorry that you still are. 
You are not in the wrong here and you should not have just paid for her room. 500 dollars is a lot of money to just ask for.

Answer

this is not about what she did or didnt do as a mom anymore. this is about common sense. she has a place to go but refuses to...ppl who dont have options are not picky and entitled.  you guys enable her and she is ungrateful.  she doesn't care where you get it from or if it will cause static. she wants what she wants when she wants it. what's going to happen next week or month when rent is due again? youse guise can shell out half a grand like that indefinitely? the choice is simple...if you could separate  your emotions. do not ruin yourself for someone who has proven time again what it is. you dont get extra points for this and you're just going to feel bad whenever she shows you how ungrateful she is. she is not homeless. she has places to go but wants you to foot the bill because what? you will most likely do it anyway out of guilt and hope. just be mindful of how this may unintentionally affect your family as it did you. 2 generations she'll have under her belt if you dont nip it in the bud. she doesn't have to be around your children to affect them when she can still mess up/with the source-you.

Am I wrong?? I honestly don’t know how to feel...

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