Hey guys I have something going on and I don’t know how to go about it,

I’ve posted here before about something that happened to me with a guy who’s actually my friend, well he was. All of you said what he did to me was assault, but the issue is that I have trouble believing that because he’s my friend, and he wouldn’t do that to me. But yesterday he texted me saying he wanted to come over and I specifically told him I was not going to have sex, I woke up at 5:30 that day and I had to do it again this morning. He said okay and I agreed to let him come over. Basically we ended up having sex, but his time it was consensual.

I don’t think he even realizes that he hurt me because he doesn’t look at it that way. Also, he was my first, so It’s hard for me to have sex with others but when he can’t yesterday I tried to tell him so many times that I didn’t want to mess around I just wanted to sleep, he didn’t respect it. I hate having meaningless sex, but it’s like I always just fucking cave in and I don’t like it because deep inside I know he hurt me but I’m not ready to accept the fact that one of my friends sexually assaulted me. It’s like there will still always be something there, maybe it’s cuz he was my first willingly or not. I don’t know what’s going and I just need some advice on what to do.

Please don’t post any rude comments I really don’t need that right now.