guys i’m just so tired of everything. (before anyone worries i’m not suicidal or anything, i just need to rant some of my frustrations). okay so currently in my life, nobody really cares about me. like i’m sure people do, like if i died people would be sad, but nobody actually shows that they care about me. how i feel, how i think, how my day was. i kept track this entire year and my dad never once asked me how my day was or how i was. i feel completely broken. i’m always anxious and depressed and lack any motivation and am really self conscious. ik i need to talk to someone but i’m too anxious to ask for help, nobody actually cares enough about me to ask if i need help or to know that i should get some help. i’ve argued with my dad plenty of times in the past because he doesn’t think mental disorders are actually serious. (for example, he just thinks people with depression are just sad). and even when i’ve had actual broken bones i rarely go to the doctor. like i love him but he destroys my mental health. sometimes i question if i have stock home syndrome because i love him bc he’s my dad and he pays the bills and stuff, but he doesn’t ever do anything good for me that isn’t materialistic. it’s hard because i’m so hurt by him but i don’t want to seem ungrateful. he also thinks he knows who i am but he’ll talk about me or how i act and it’s never true. just today he said we need to talk about colleges (i’m going into my junior year of high school) and he said how i need to be realistic and that i shouldn’t be near a beach (like i want to) bc “i’ll never get anything done.” “i’ll just say that i don’t feel like going to class today, and go to the beach instead”. he says things like this a lot that really bother me bc at my school i am the goody two shoes that never does anything. like i have never snuck out of the house, drank, vaped, smoked, done drugs, gone to parties, had sex, etc. but my dad still treats me like the problem child. he also calls me a “social butterfly” a lot which isn’t a bad thing but it’s not me. i’m extremely socially awkward, unpopular, quiet, shy, etc. he always makes comments about how i’m everything that i’m not. he’s known me for 16 years and he has no idea who i am. it’s so frustrating. he’ll also just cut me off in the middle of my sentence, or not look at me when i try to talk, or just flat out not pay attention. he has no interest in what i like or what i think. i’m also very reasonable. i see how a lot of my friends treat their parents and i’m appalled. my mom died when i was pretty young so i kinda grew up pretty fast. he doesn’t treat me with any respect. he also gets mad at me when i don’t do his job as a parent. like when ask him if we could have healthier meals he gets mad and starts yelling about how i never plan out meals. like i know i can pitch in and stuff (and i’m not exactly sure how a “normal” family runs) but shouldn’t parents wake up and make the kids breakfast before school, and make dinner when they get home. and i do stuff around the house to try and help but nothing is ever good enough. but my dad will clean up my brother’s literal shit. like he is 19, in college, lives at home, and can’t do anything for himself, and always has a really pissy attitude toward everything. also, my depression has been so bad lately that i just don’t eat and i always feel really weak and my dad doesn’t care. and i even straight up tell him that i haven’t eaten all day and he’ll just look at me and say “so”. like if my friend, let alone my child, said that they haven’t eaten anything all day i would drive to their house and hand feed them.and he just blames me for everything. like if we’re leaving to go somewhere and he forgets something it’ll be my fault bc i wasn’t sitting by the door ready to go, 15 mins before we had to leave. ik i need help and i really want it, so let’s pretend that i told him and completely understood and took it 100% seriously (which he wouldn’t do either) it would take him forever to actually do anything about it. like i’ve had two fractured ribs for about 6 weeks but he didn’t take me to the doctor “bc they would heal on their own” even though that i told him it still hurts when i sneeze. or i told him when i was in 7th grade that my vision was kinda blurry, and i didn’t have an appointment at the eye doctor until the summer after freshman year, when my vision was really bad. or i had to ask him for years to get me a gym memebership so i could exercise and be healthy (and there wasn’t a financial reason he could or anything, he just wouldn’t do it). i keep trying to better my physical and mental health because nobody is trying to help me, but people keep tearing me down. not to mention my own internal struggles keeping my down. just everything keeps building up. imagine fighting a battle with yourself everyday just to realize that you have another battle waiting for you on the outside. when someone deals with that much inside their head, they need all the people they love to help them be strong, but i don’t have that either. idk if it’s the inside or the outside of myself that’s getting torn down quicker. like my friends don’t listen to me either, even though i listen to all their problems and help them through it by being a shoulder to cry on and by giving real solutions, and being there when things are the hardest. but nobody is ever there for me, and nobody actually listens or cares about what i’m saying. sorry i’m rambling a lot, i’m just writing down my thoughts as they come into my head. and sorry i said “like” a lot. that is if anyone has read this far. i’ve never shared anything this deep about how i feel to anyone, so please be nice. please share your thoughts. what i should do, or if you experience this too, whatever it is.