I always wanted to share/write a birth story because I loved reading them and found them to be so real and special. I was expecting to be jumping on here a few days postpartum and spilling all the glorious deets... but sometimes life hands you a different set of cards. I am hoping this story might help someone like me out there change their perspective on things a bit.

As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I was dead set on having a natural birth. Literally Dead. Set. I was crushed at my 20 week scan when the doctor informed me I had placenta previa. Even though he said there was a 95% chance it would move away in time, I was consumed with the thought of that 5% chance I would need a c-section. This Blew. My. Mind.

I thought, c-sections are for women who want c-sections... I don’t Want a c-section.

Well, a c-section was the least of my worries by 34 weeks; my placenta was in the North Pole by then, however a new concern came up... the measurement of my babies limbs. The femur bone specifically. Well, ‘small femur bone’ is not a fun one to google. For the next 6 weeks I was Convinced (thanks to Dr. Google) that I was carrying a dwarf. I am not kidding. I would have panic attacks about my future child being made fun of at school and her not being able to find love later in life. It terrified me. But I tried to burry my worries in the back of my mind and think about the positive.

Even though the Dr. said her femur measurement was ‘probably’ not a concern... everything is a concern when you are pregnant. Everything. I prayed every night for a happy and healthy baby- no matter how tall she was I just wanted her healthy.

Cut to the night of my water breaking. I thought... Finally. This is the one thing within my body I can control. I don’t know how tall my baby will be, I don’t have a fancy scanner or a bunch of blood results in my office, but God Dar-nit I am going to L&D; and having this baby naturally and telling the nurses they can shove the epidural up their...

Holy shit. Natural birth what the fuck it is Hell. If you are like me and reading those Amazing flowery doula water baby birth stories just stop for a minute. I was in so much ‘Natural’ pain, I thought the devil was in my labor and delivery room giving me an exorcism. It was hell on earth. Literally. I was screaming so hard I could feel all the endorphins rushing Out of my body. I am a fit, yoga going, all about the breathing ‘Ready for this’ type of girl. Hell no. No one is ready for that. You know what I was ready for at 7cm dilated and projectile vomiting? Yup. I was ready for a Thank You Jesus Epidural.

Within 20 minutes, I was laughing with the nurses and cracking jokes about what a stuck up bitch I was before they stuck that needle in my back. There was no way I would have made it all the way through a vaginal birth without it.

(Just a little Karmic PSA for any fellow idealist natural baby mamas. Epidurals are not the devil. They are available for a reason. Would you get a cavity filled without getting numbed up first? If so, then Amen to you sister you are a bad ass.)

As we are approaching the first birthday of my precious (81% for height) angel, I just wanted to throw out some realness to the bump universe. And to let you all know that none of this matters a year later. Even if she was still in the 10th percentile, I wouldn’t love her any less. If I had a scar across my lower abdomen, I wouldn’t give a crap about it now. None of the stuff keeping you up at night now is going to matter when you hear your baby say ‘mama’ and cry if you leave the room. You have made it and it doesn’t matter how you got there.

Good luck to all you fellow August moms you’re gonna have a feisty little Leo on your hands.. (it’s only a matter of time you will start to appreciate Western Medicine anyways). 😉

Namaste.