So it took me 6 months to be able to write about my story. But here is goes. I had envisioned my birthing experience since I found out I was pregnant. I saw all these pictures of moms getting the first skin to skin contact and the raw emotion that was felt. I looked forward to that for 9 months!! But that’s not how my story ends. I had the perfect pregnancy. No morning sickness, baby was above and beyond perfection the entire pregnancy. Which was a relief after a miscarriage just 4 months prior to my full term pregnancy.

So I go to the doctor on a Tuesday which was my due date and got a sonogram. The sonogram tech was amazing my whole pregnancy (she was also the tech when I had lost my first angel). But she was weird that day that I went in, some would say concerned, but she was always honest with me so I didn’t think anything of it. So she makes me aware that my fluid is a little low at about an 8. Which was significantly lower then the week before. But babygirl was doing well so nothing to worry about. So I was sent home and told I wasn’t dilated at all and I had to come back on Friday to check fluid, if it was lower they were going to send me to the hospital. So Friday comes and my fluid is at a 2!!! She literally was having trouble finding any fluid. So here we go to have a baby! We were so excited we went to the wrong hospital! *embarrassing* so we get to the right place and wait almost 2 hours in the waiting room. Get into triage they check on me set me up to monitors baby is good. Finally I get up to the floor you go to before active labor starts. They start me on the induction drink. (They Didn’t want to give me pitocin)

well after about 3 hours the contractions started...all I can say is damn!!! At this point they are having some trouble keeping baby girls heartbeat on the monitor. Which I didn’t find strange at the point because I had an anterior placenta so it was hard to get her on a monitor. They kept making me lay in these ridiculously awkward positions so they could get babygirls heartbeat and when I moved they got mad. But I mean come on I’m almost a week overdue I’m not exactly flexible right now. Doctor were in and out constantly. After about 5 full hours of induction drink my contractions were coming every 2 minutes but I wasn’t dilated at all. They gave me pain medication which I wish I would have said no to because I was so loopy and wasn’t able to advocate for myself. So the on call doctor comes in and checks me (side note: the doctor that came in was the same ob that delivered me 33 years ago!!!!!!! Weird!!!!) he sees that I’m not dilated at all and have been having strong contractions for about 12 hours at this point. And says I need an epidural. **praise jesus***. Well that’s when shit went downhill! My fiancé and parents were rudely kicked out of the room. And the anesthesiologist started interrogating me. Why do you want an epidural. So I told him my doctor told me that because I’ve been having contractions for 12 hours with no dilation and almost no fluid it’s time to relax me to try to speed this up. (My mom had an epidural at 1 cm and I’m an hour she was fully dilated so I thought like mother like daughter hopefully) so he turns to me and says well I don’t agree with that I’m not comfortable giving you an epidural when you’re not in active labor. I’m going to talk to your doctor. So I lose it. Historical crying so close to pain relief and boom the asshole leaves. Comes back about 25 minutes later and says whatever I’ll do it but you’re gonna need a c section and I’m gonna tell you I told you so when that happens. Wow!!!! Just wow!!!! So he’s giving me the epidural and he poked me so hard over and over again that I started to cry (I had bruises after the fact) and he told me to stop moving or he’ll mess it up and I’ll get the worst headache I’ve ever felt , sure you still want it? I said yes. He then says I’ll have to put a catheter in still want it? So I said yes. (They weren’t letting me walk anyway because they couldn’t keep her heartbeat normal on the monitor) he put it in and I told him I only felt it on one side of my body but it was still much better pain wise. He said to give it time and to stop being impatient. Labor is painful. Well I wanted to punch this asshole in the face. So time goes by still only numb on my left side. I told the nurse and she said the anesthesiologist will have to come to correct the catheter and after about 2 hours of waiting the epidural was completely gone. My fiancé was so tired from sleeping in a chair since they wouldn’t let him sleep in the empty bed next to me that after speaking to the nurse decided to go home with my dad to take a nap. The nurse assured all of us that the time was no where near. So off goes my fiancé and my dad. Well about an hour after that 2 nurses come in and tell me they are going to move me up to labor and delivery so they can put internal monitors in because it’ll read my little mamas stats better! Perfect thank god! Well I get up there and they take a sonogram. Which I had asked about prior asking why they haven’t checked to make sure she was ok. Especially because it was a constant struggle for almost a day to keep her heart and oxygen on the monitor. Well low and behold there was no fluid. Absolutely nothing. So they pumped me with saline internally. Everything calmed down and all of a sudden I look over at the monitor and all her number are 0 no heart rate no oxygen. Nothing!!!! Nurses and doctors come running in and have me get on all 4’s. Yes imagine all 4’s. They get a heart rate but start talking about d-cells (it was in this moment I wished I didn’t binge watch all 14 seasons of greys anatomy in the last few months of my pregnancy Because I knew exactly what they were saying and how bad it was) well while all of this commotion is happening in walks captain dickhead anesthesiologist and says ohhhh look at this let me guess she’s gonna need a c section isn’t she. Now mind you I’m on all 4s I’m watching my daughters heart rate disappear and this dickhead has the nerve!!!! Well let me tell you my ob walks in and looks at me and says “what in the hell is going on. Why is she on her hands and knees? Why did no one call me sooner” he was super sweet to me helped me on my back. Rubbed my head said it’s ok. Then the nurse wipes me and all I see is poo. Meconium. Good god let me tell you the things that went through my head. Well I panicked. My mom is calling my dad to get back with my fiancé now! My poor mom! Looking back she was just as traumatized as I was! So the doctor looked at me and said ok babygirl we are having a baby. That’s when they started pumping my epidural into me. Only problem was nothing was happening. So I turn to the anesthesiologist and say it’s not working and boom full blown anxiety attack. I was hyperventilating so bad the nurse had to give me a bag. So they are wheeling me to the or and I just kept thinking holy shit I had this perfect pregnancy. Not one hitch nothing wrong. Pure perfection and I’m going to lose my baby right at the finish line. The nurse that was with me was amazing I kept saying I can’t lose her I can’t lose her please don’t let me lose her. She hugged me as we rolled into the or. The. It hit me they are going to cut me now and I’m not numb. I feel everything! I told the anesthesiologist I can feel that. He looks at me and says no you don’t. You feel pressure there a difference just breath calm down. WHAT?!?! so I turn to the nurse and tell her that they are pulling my skin with a pair of Tongs on my right side and poking my left with something sharp. Well let me tell you. She looked over the curtain and she turned white as a ghost and screamed for the doctor to stop. If it weren’t for her they would have sliced me open and I would have felt everything. So they had to put me out. When I woke up the nurses told me I had a beautiful babygirl Kylie Jo 6 pounds 4 ounces 18.5 in. I went into recovery and was awoken by the anesthesiologist!!! He came into the room to say “I told you you would need a csection. You should have waited. You didn’t get to be awake or push for the birth of your daughter. Next time get a midwife and stay home until your actually in

Labor” I thought my fiancé was going to kill him lol. So I made him aware that it was an emergency because I had no fluid so I had no choice. He shrugged and left. I was already super upset when I woke up because everyone got to hold and meet this little human that I carried for 9 months. My in laws, my parents, my sister, my fiancé but not me. I had this picture of how my experience was going to be. I’d have a picture of her all gross and sticky on my chest. Being able to feel her little body first before anyone else. Maybe it’s selfish to be upset about that but hey it’s how I feel! But let me tell you she is literally the perfect little human I’ve ever seen in my life. I never thought a love like this was even possible! I wrote I letter to the head of anesthesiology and received an apology call from him but doesn’t change the fact that I had a horrible experience that I literally have flash backs of. But then I think about how bad it really could have been. My Kylie is perfect and I couldn’t imagine my life without this perfect little human!!!