So I got married over a month ago and everything was great, however, during my honeymoon I cried a lot.

Even after I got back home and after moving in with my now husband.

We still have issues and mostly argue about mostly stupid things. Plus, we are both stubborn.

We agreed to wait before getting pregnant to enjoy our time first, however, my feelings overwhelm me during sex at times and ask him if we should try to get pregnant. He refuses and tells me “I respect what we have agreed on and therefore won’t do it.” Which isn’t bad.

Moreover, due to our beliefs and society virginity is important and I have never had sex before, but we haven’t seen any blood after loosing my virginity on the night of the wedding. The only thing I suspect is that his penis was a bit pinkish. (Is that probably the blood everyone talks about?)

He was cool about it and said “I trust you” and he said that he felt the area being tighter and then looser. However, this made me panic a lot and ask him to have more sex with the hopes that we might see the blood. ( I didn’t know what to do and my brain was under pressure, it felt like the only thing that would give me a peace of mind)

What breaks my heart is that I sometimes feel refused as he sometimes doesn’t allow me to even touch or kiss him saying he’s tired or busy. He thinks we should have sex three times max a week and mostly says that I’m the one who asks for sex which made me feel like I was begging him to do so. While all I wanted was to have a romantic time with him, enjoy our honeymoon and be a “good wife”. And for the records, he initiates most acts or kisses me passionately while all I want is to give him a light kiss. Then he plays me with his words until he makes me say that I’m the one who wants to have sex.

What I dislike the most about all of this is him making me feel guilty about loving him and wanting to be with him.

He is a good guy, he doesn’t shout at me and he tolerates me well although I know I’m being a bit difficult and feeling down lately.

The bad thing is that I feel sometimes worthless, not enough, not seductive, not what his heart desires and/or not pretty enough.

He says I never said that and he keeps saying I love you.

But I’m completely clueless.

Tonight he said after he stopped me from touching him while we were kissing, “we had sex 2 or 3 times this week wasn’t this enough”, although it’s the weekend. And when he said this it felt like he is upset and disappointed and he says “you never have enough.”

It might be me, my hormones or all the changes I’m going through.

I’m not writing this because I’m trying to end this, I love him and want to attempt to fix this.

Cheater

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