After a year plus a couple months, why do I still constantly look over my shoulder wondering if he’s there?

My previous relationship was emotionally abusive. He called me names, controlled what I did, constantly made every little thing my fault. It was never his but always mine. He used to always give me the silent treatment, even going as far as saying “I’m blocking your number, I will talk to you later” and would disappear for 2-3 days.

And through it all, I stuck around for 2 1/2 years. I was so madly in love with him that I put up with it, I kept trying to make it work, I kept showing him love. And I know I was stupid for doing it.

Now the state fair is in my town, I live 2 blocks from the fairgrounds, and he has very high potential to be in town, at the fair, working for the fair fire department. He always talked about doing it, I always supported his decision to do it. And knowing how likely it is that he’s in town, I can’t go in public without being anxious, I jump every time I see a guy that looks remotely similar, I’m constantly looking at cars that look like his or looking over my shoulder to make sure I didn’t just happen to miss seeing him. I don’t want to run into him. I am scared to death of him. The relationship ended even worse than how the actual relationship went.

The emotional impact it made just has me so on edge. And I understand it takes time to heal from those things. But it’s been a year. And I am pregnant with another mans child and engaged to my baby’s father, and I feel like a piece of shit for being so worried about my ex.

My fiancé has been completely understanding and even won’t let me go anywhere alone so if I do happen to see my ex, he will be there to support me. And I’m incredibly thankful for him.

And all this stress has sent me into depression. I battle with myself to even get out of bed in the mornings. And it takes my fiancé to even convince me to go shower. And being pregnant, I can’t just take pills like I used to..

I keep thinking, maybe I’m just overreacting. Or maybe I’m just emotional because I’m pregnant. I don’t know... I’m just frustrated with myself.