ok so my husband & I have been together for 20 years . We have 6 kids & 1 on the way. Through our 20 years we've both been abusive to one another, he's cheated on me multiple times , put it this way we've been through everything under the moon i figure if my grandmother dealt with a man with the same traits then so could I. Now my kids are getting older I have 18 son, 16 , 14, 4 & 3 yr old girls and 5 month old boy & I'm currently 3 1/2 months pregnant. In our 20 years I've learned to turn the other cheek when he was abusive mentally, verbally or physically. I love this man with every last drop of blood in my body but after this last weekend we got into it because he was drinking & doing drugs & I got angry with him, hed left me and his kids at his grandmas while he was out with his family till idk what time. When he finally got to his grandmas he acted like nothing happened he was higher than a kite & drunk and I couldn't hold it in I exploded and told him I was tired we were out of state cause we were there for a funeral, so he didn't care too much of making up he argued back n told his family 'dumb bitch thinks she can make it without me she ain't shit without me', now this is an ongoing problem with him he humiliates me all the time this man was passed out on the sofa when his brother thought it was his business to talk shit to my 18 year old son while my son's defending me telling his dad he shouldn't be drinking or doing drugs his brother gets in my son's face like a pitbull would a rabbit no I did not find out about this till the next morning his brother had took off walking so I couldn't confront him about it. But I'm supposed to get over it and now that we're back home he's trying to kiss my ass he's apologizing up and down I'm not even angry with him anymore I'm more angry at myself that I let this happen so long only upside to all of this are my children if I didn't go through all this then I wouldn't have them. i cannot handle him and his ways anymore I'm suffocating I want to be free I want to enjoy what youth i have left he's never been the type of man to ask me for permission more the type of man that asks for forgiveness what the hell am I supposed to do I am 36 , pregnant with a 5 month old and several kids. the only thing I have going for me is that I'm a mother with six kids and one on the way I'm an artist I know how to punch a clock I've worked before we had the last 4 kids. no one wants to hire a pregnant woman if I could divorce him with a snap of my fingers I would. Seriously wtf am I suppose to do..whats your thoughts...Usually my grandma would set me str8..but she's past away..n I don't have a family. All of my friend are Our friends so I don't want to put them in the middle of our business