I’m not expecting anyone to reply to this, I’m even posting anonymously because I’m embarrassed to be writing in the first place, I just want to feel like I’ve spoken to someone get things off my chest.

I’m going through a crap time. I have no job, I have no money coming in and I don’t come from a family with money who can help me, I have no phone at the moment and a family I’m not sure if they even like me.

A job, a career, I don’t know what I want to do with my life, I get asked what I enjoy doing and I can’t reply, I don’t feel like I enjoy doing anything at the moment, I don’t feel like I’m good enough at anything either, everywhere I go I get fired or I’m there 1-6 months and I have to leave as my anxiety gets the better of me.

I don’t have a phone at the moment, It wouldn’t normally matter but the one person who brings joy to me lives over and hour away and we’ve hardly been speaking to one and other.

We can’t see each other because I can’t expect him to always come to me whilst I’m not working it’s not fair and he’s on an apprentice wage so can’t afford it all the time, I feel like I’m failing us.

I got upset because I saw his mum sharing memories of him and his ex girlfriend and I don’t think she did it to be spiteful but it really hurt to see because I feel like I’m not good enough to be with her son.

Background info: Me and my partner have been together for 16 months, in this time we got pregnant and had a miscarriage in December, we’ve been trying since.

Am I selfish for still wanting our rainbow baby whilst I’m not working? I sure feel like it.

I’m in a position where I’ve lost hope & confidence in myself, I keep failing at holding down a job, being an equally good girlfriend as he is a boyfriend, failing at getting pregnant & failing at being a good daughter & sister.

I’m not looking for sympathy, I just feel like I had to talk about it even if nobody is reading I still feel like I’ve said it.

I am currently longing for the day where I find where I belong, that’s all I want is to feel like I belong somewhere, like I have a purpose.

& Im sorry to everyone I’m letting down.

xxx