I felt like I was in love like 4 times. 3 times with these boys I barely knew.. but the 4th was a girl and I never felt this way about anyone. I was “in love” with her for four years and it was on and off..there was a point in time she knew I did. Whenever we hung out , I felt like not the luckiest person but the luckiest person..she was always touchy feely and the stuff she would say well the things we would say to each other. She was always trying to kiss me at one point in time before we stopped talking and shit got out of hand, but I didn’t go through with it because I knew her intentions were different... she did idk If was the same exact with her ex that she “didn’t” claim and had a really big crush on this one girl but was involved with all her friends too... not as involved with them as she was with me though, the reason I know this is because she told me everything. She even told me about people she liked(obviously) and the fantasies she’d have including about this one boy. we started hanging out every day. Even her ex thought we were together. But she was really hard to read. It was like she was hiding something and her ex was always mad we hung out. I’m not dumb I knew something wasn’t right.... -I’m still a virgin. And might I add a lot of people thought we were together. Today we don’t talk because she switched up and of many reasons and tbh I really fucking miss her. It’s almost been a month since we talked, and the night before last she drunk texted me,Talking about how she shouldn’t be texting me and she’ll never text me again because I probably hate her and what she said to me the day we stopped talking was more than the human ear or eye could understand and how she is really fucking proud of me and that she wishes me the best...and all I said was thank you because every time in get involved with her I end up really fucking hurt at the end. And some of the shit she said to me the day we stopped talking i bakers my eyes out cause no one ever said something to me like that before.I want her and I miss her.. I also want to talk to her again but I want her to know my value(even tho she kinda already knows it but doesn’t at the same time). Long story short I dont know if I was in love with her or in lust with her because the way she treated me. I need opinions please be brutally honest. I didn’t wanna say this but I never told her how I felt because I felt she didn’t deserve to know if she was just gonna keep pushing me away when she already told me the day we stopped talking she didn’t wanna hear it,bye, because I’m just gonna be told you need to tell her..when i already tried