I guess I just need to know I’m not a shit mom- UPDATE

UPDATE- thank you all so much for your encouragement and sweet words- i never expected so many people to comment but it really has made me feel so much better to know I’m not alone!

I have been power pumping and my supply has started to increase again! As I type this, I have been pumping for 15 min and have expressed almost 4 oz!! My son still stinks at latching (lazy butt) but I really think the power pumping technique reminded my body that I still need to produce!!! I’m going to keep this up and HOPEFULLY my supply will rebound!!

Thank you all again, so much love to you ❤️❤️❤️

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My son is 10 days old today and I’m not producing milk anymore. It’s ridiculous how much this depresses me but I feel like a total failure.

My son was born at 40+4 at 8lbs 9oz, perfectly healthy in every way. I had absolutely intended to breastfeed and pump, and the hospital hooked me up with a lactation consultant as soon as my son was delivered.

Within the hour of skin-to-skin after birth, he had already chewed one of my nipples raw. The lactation consultant thought it was pretty funny how strong his jaw was for a newborn (probably was funny but not to me) and during the time I was in the hospital, I tried everything to get him to latch well and feed although I had blood blisters on both nipples by the time I was in my recovery room. The LC insisted that he was latching and thus he was feeding, although he fussed and didn’t stay on my breast. He would root and suck and try but I felt like I was starving my son.

He was born on 8/8 and we went home 8/9. That night, I fed him every time he cried, but by the next day he had not had a bowel movement or peed in over 24 hours. His lips were dry and cracked and his eyes had gummed up and I was terrified that he was not feeding. Luckily, my pediatrician had scheduled a new baby appointment for the day after our return from the hospital, so he was seen by a doctor immediately the next day. She confirmed that he was severely dehydrated, his bili levels were rising, and he had lost 10% of his birth weight, which put him in the danger zone for babies. She tentatively suggested supplementing and I dove on it- all I cared about was my baby being healthy.

My 3 day old son drank 3 oz of formula the first time we fed him, despite us having been told that the trace amounts of colostrum he had been getting would sustain him. Since then, he has been drinking 2.5-4 oz at every feeding and gained a whole pound in the last week. I have been breastfeeding and pumping along with formula but just like they say, my supply dwindled rapidly in the last day. It ducks because just two days ago I was feeding him and only supplementing an ounce after, and pumping 3-4 oz in between, but since last night I am barely getting 2 oz in a pumping between both breasts. My son is an avid eater but is lazy with the breast, bottle, and even pacifier, so I know that introducing the bottle has diminished his interest in trying to breast feed.

If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading. I guess I just feel horrible because I really wanted to breastfeed and supplementing was necessary but I didn’t stick to the breastfeeding as much as I needed to build my supply. I know there are mommas out there that are dedicated and have their babe on their breast all day to establish their milk and I do wish I had done that but I guess what’s done is done.

Is 10 days too late to build up my supply again? Has anyone out there chosen the formula route and had no regrets? I hate myself for feeling so guilty when my son is happy, healthy, and chubby but I honestly never anticipated not being able to meet his needs.

Thanks ladies, this new Mom thing is hard.

My chubby love bug 😍