ttc for years

anyone ttc for over a decade on here? I really need someone I can talk to. even if it's not been that long for you but close enough. I'm at my wits end, thought it was getting better and I was handling it well but my 9th nephew will be here in October and then in January my 10th nephew will be born. the closer the due dates gets, the worse I seem. I'm trying to be ok bc that's my family and my precious nephews. my 9 montb old neihew passed in October last year from a malformed blood vessel and in still struggling with that, his 1 year anniversary will be the same month as his brother is born and it's difficult to even cope right now. I just need to know if giving it up completely would just be the best for me.