I will never love another child like my first..

This is very hard for me but I will make it as short as I can. I have a two year old that was conceived by rape, a guy who is a stranger. When I found out I was pregnant I was going to get an abortion I didn’t even think about it twice. I was told a few times I wasn’t going to be able to have kids so I never expected to have any neither ever imagined I’d have a miracle baby that came from rape. I heard his heartbeat. I thought what if I have an abortion and god punishes me by not letting me ever conceive another baby. It was the hardest decision of my entire life knowing I’d be alone and bringing a child into this world alone. Not how I imagined or planned. It took me 5 hard months to actually accept him and my love for him grew slowly. I had the worst pregnancy EVER! All the symptoms at once since 3 weeks to the last day I had my son. 36 weeks later he was born. It was love at first sight. My son took so much sadness and pain from life. I decided I’d focus on him and me only and that I’d be the best mom to him. And I have. Everyone always tells me “you’re such a good mom!” And that makes me happy. I’ve had a guy best friend for over 10 years, and he’s been there for me all my life. Months ago we decided we’d give it a try and be more then friends. Everything is amazing and he’s always been a great guy. My son loves him, he loves my son. The problem is he wants a baby of his own, he wants to marry me, he’s asked me what ring do I like, he owns his own house and own business he’s an incredible guy. But I am scared to have another baby. After having my son I had internal hemorrhage and lost more then half my blood I was unconscious for days and in the hospital a whole month, I was internally damaged that doctors say to not even try for more. Which I agree. But I said we can have one, one day. We will find a way. BUT i told him ... I will always love my son more then anyone in the entire world, he will always be more special to me then any other children I have and I will love him more. Because I feel I am his mother and father and everything I went through he cost me almost my life to actually have him with me now.. I feel another child will be differen, he she will have his dad and that love my son doesn’t so I feel like I could never love another child the same or be the same...

I want to know if anyone feels this way?

If you have a son or daughter you love more because of any personal reason?

Like am I right or wrong to feel this way?

This really makes me sad and hurts me 💔