We're both guilty but...

I miscarried last year a couple days after my birthday... My SO and I were pretty devastated, we were going to try again but no luck so far. But recently I found out he had been cheating on me with a bunch of different girls starting a couple weeks after I lost our baby... Our first son wants a brother but I just don't think I can have another baby with him... There was this one specific girl recently that he was seeing... I'm sure he was in love with her... I saw the messages he sent her and the messages he sent her brother after she dumped him to get back with her baby's father... He was devastated and crying. He says that he wants to be with me... But he always made me feel like shit when I accused him of cheating saying that he would never do that and that I was a bitch for saying that. He had said to the girl that he wanted to make a life with her and her daughter... To make a full commitment... But she dumped him... I think he's just saying that he wants to stay with me cause I've always been here and he doesn't want to be alone... Don't get me wrong he's not the only bad guy here... I'm guilty too... My stupid excuse of cheating was that... Well he never showed me any affection even if I begged him to just hug me or hold my hand... I just wanted to feel wanted and loved... But in the 10yrs we were together he never showed me he really wanted to be with me... Those other girls... The way he talked to them... He was so loving and sweet... I've never seen that in all my life with him... I love him so much... But I just don't know what to do...