Hi there community I never thought I'd be part of in this stage of my life... My name is Carina, I'm Namibian, 26yrs old. I wrote down my story so please bare with me it's a really long post. Is there anyone out there who also got pregnant with an IUD? Any good books, media to consume surrounding dealing with unplanned pregnancies? I've been searching online and there seems to be mostly 'teen pregnancy' or 'single mom' and both don't apply to me. Besides that I find articles with horrible grammar and preppy YouTube videos that seem off-putting.

Anyways, this is my story:

Two stars, two stripes, two options

What a summer it's been. Going to France meant finally meeting my boyfriends entire family. So special. Many moons had passed as we travelled from north to south visiting the different family members and friends in the different towns. Driving slowly on small roads with the windows rolled down. France wins the World Cup, two star ambiance. It was perfect.

It was my last day in France, we were back in Paris, when everything changed. A week after the blood moon I had been a just over a week late for my red flow. Weird. My boobs feel different. Strange. Sudden shiver through my bones "let's go to the pharmacy babe". Calming him down along the way... It can't be. After all, I have had the IUD in place as a form of contraception for over a year already. No worries. All the French cheese must be making my body funny. I pee, two stripes. Another goal for France. We fall to the floor.

Think fast. Think slow. We buy two more pregnancy tests. Two stripes. Positive. Positive.

And there it was, two extremes handed to us on a silver platter:

Option 1: Passion, joy, incredible miracle baby, happiness, life-changing, we are going to be parents!

Option 2: Shit, no no no, I cant, my life, I want my Gypsey life back, we can't be parents, we are not equipped, no baby!

Honestly, I felt neither of these, I felt confused, happy, sad, excited, depressed.

But, one little voice deep inside of me knew that I could not put the fate of this little bean onto my hands. My boyfriend was/is supportive as ever and agreed that we would give this baby the opportunity to live out naturally. Chances that it even crept up there despite the IUD meant that it must be a miracle baby. Shit. The IUD.

The next phase of this was incredibly difficult. I did a bit of researching and it seemed that there is a 1 in 1000 chance of the IUD failing (never would I have imagined to fall on the later side of those statistics) and the horror stories I read about IUD pregnancies made me sick. Most IUD pregnancies end up being ectopic pregnancies with is not good fortune for myself or the baby.

At the doctor in Germany two days later I learnt that our baby managed to beat all the odds and was well in place, tucked safely. And regarding the IUD, we, again, had two options:

Option 1: The Doc tries to get the IUD out but a good chance of hurting the baby along the way.

Option 2: Leave it in place. Monitor. But an increased risk of of a miscarriage in the second trimester.

This was undoubtedly the most difficult decision of my life and the events surrounding these days of decision-making were horror. After much research and talking to numerous specialists we decided that best would be option one. (Because of the way the IUD lay in relation to the baby)

What comes to follow is the most challenging experience yet to endure: to rest in my decisions and hand over the drivers seat and trust in God and the Universe. I can not control if the baby will be healthy, if I am 'ready', - what the future holds in general. There is only this present time.

Present time: The IUD is out - I feel excited, shit scared and already in love with our little miracle baby. I know this baby is a blessing but I'm really struggling to wholly accept my identity shift. There was just so much I wanted to align before starting a family and although I am aware that you are 'never really ready' I am still struggling. It's so ironic as so many woman try everything to have children and here I am trying everything not to have and still I'm pregnant.

Anyone dealing with something vaguely similar? Hav any advice?

Thanks for taking the time to read this.