Natural birth after traumatic birth

Okay so if you don’t find natural birth really important please don’t comment, not being rude but people I know don’t and just tell me it’ll be fine it’s not a big deal but to me it is. So I had read the books, watched the movies, done all the research I could to have a natural birth and knew that I better be in an emergency if anything else were to happen, I tried hard to prepare for the hospitals crap they tell you to pressure you not to, well after a fake pre e diagnosis I struggled to prepare for birth, I had a really great labor it was long but I loved it my nurses kept telling me to get PIT and then my midwife said if I didn’t get PIT and an epidural they’re taking my baby away, they were gonna get a court order and take her away, never heard that one! Also told me I’d need a hysterectomy for no reason. My epidural botched and gave me permanent back pain, and I couldn’t bond with my baby, it took me days and I hated it and blame the PIT. Well I want to have more kids so bad but am too scared to go through that again and if I didn’t and did a home birth I’m worried I would bond with my 2nd and not love my first as much. I was so ready to have a natural birth and now I wonder since I didn’t feel anything the first time, could I even do it? I want to know how it turned out for others who had a natural birth after a traumatic birth?