Most of my life i had been a big girl. Got bullied several times by classmates, “friends”, and family. It really hurt my feelings but i was a happy girl. I tried to blow off peoples nasty comments about my weight untill one day, my dad had me do 100 sit ups everyday for the next two years. If i missed one day id do 200 to makeup for that missed day. One time i missed 9 days dince my dad was out of town. He found out i wasnt keeping up with the workout and made me do 900 situps. It took 9 year old me several hours to complete. My dad would constantly fight with my mom about my weight saying that if i got any bigger i wouldnt be walking id be rolling. He hurt me and humiliated me like you could not imagine. Hed monitor and count all the situps and food i ate. Hec buy snacks for my brother and sister and say i was too fat for candy. I was only 9 years old. My mom would defend me as best she could. My parents separated when i turned 11 and we moved to dallas. I felt releived that my dad was gone. When i started middle school my life changed. I started to get bullied on again for being fat. I would notice how pretty it would be if i wad skinny. Boys would notice me and id be accepted. Without realizingi started my dads workout routine even if he wasnt around anymore 100 situps everyday plus 100 squats. I felt likeno matter how much i exercised i saw myself getting fatter and fatter and fatter. I started binging and feeling like shit after id binge and hate my fat self. I didnt know it but i would eventually fall in into the devastating hands of Bulimia. I discovered one time after a horrible binge that if i threw up after eating soo much i felt euphoric like i was on some sort of drug. I loved that i felt in control after not being able to control how much i ate. Ive been on an off an on relationship with the disorder. I am now about to be 23 and still suffer from this. At first i loved how in control i felt about how i could eat as much as i could without gaining weight. I would soon discover i couldnt be more wrong. The only time i lost weight is when i would restrict my self from eating anything. Id pack on the lbs again eventially once i started my binging/purging again. My weight has fluctuated alot during these 12 years. I also suffer from anxiety and depression along with my eating disorder. Please dont ever make fun of someone for the way they look. It hurtd like you could not imagine. Be content and happy you are alive and well. I did alot of harm to my body and mind through out this horrble journey. If youre going through this please get help you may think youre in control but that couldnt br farther from the truth. Its ironic because i thought that bythrowing up id be skinny and id have more friends when on reality i was more alone than ever. I began to hide while i ate afraid to eat with other people. When i ate i hid in the bathroom and ran to my only friend (the toilet). It was a vicious cycle of restricting, purging, hating my self and restricting and so on. I wanted to share cause i know im not alone. You are loved and appreciated by someone. You are not defined by weight or body type. Just be beautiful you.