I was an army wife.

My husband and I had kids and got married young. He was 19 and I was 21 and pregnant with our second on our wedding day.

We moved into a camp and about 3 years in I was paranoid and suspicious. I found an email on his laptop from a woman in the army saying “I want to be with you” and he had replied “I want to but I can’t”

This was after months of me being gaslighted by him. I became a nervous wreck. I threatened to leave and he said I wouldn’t because I had nowhere to go.

My husband an I split and I moved out 1 week before Christmas. He was shocked I actually did it. I think he thought he could do what he wanted and I would follow blindly.

He had been an awful husband in the previous 9 months and had completely changed from this amazing person I married. He blamed me for getting pregnant and ruining his life. He wanted to be single with his mates. It was awful.

In the end we realised he has PTSD from tour and had handled it by drinking and being a prick to all the people who loved him.

Turned out he was messaging this girl all the time and they dated for a bit. They never slept together while we were together but it happened about 12 hours after I told him to leave the house.

Found out she had done this multiple times with married guys. Like it was a hobby to see how quick she could break a marriage. I told her fiancé. He had his suspicions so he left her. They also had a son together. I felt terrible but I couldn’t let this man marry her. He ended up marrying Someone else and is happy.

His mum and dad fell out with me because he convinced them I was making it up in my head. His mum screamed at me and my parents.

He eventually told them the truth, and they realised their son was not a little golden child they though he was.

I moved away near my family and started a new life with the kids. I got myself back to who I used to be , the clothes I liked instead of the Mum and wife stuff I thought I had to wear.

He turned up on my door step on Valentine’s Day begging for another chance. He said he didn’t realise what he had and he had fucked up everything.

I said no. He went away on training for 6 weeks and we began texting being friendly and talking to each other properly. It was really easy to talk to him and he seemed to have come out of this weird early life crisis. The army girl found out and decided to play the pregnancy card. It didn’t work. She went to her ex and played the pregnancy card. It didn’t work. He ended up marrying Someone else and is happy. She’s done it to at least 3 other married men to date.

We dated for about 6 months not telling anyone. I allowed him to visit on the weekends only. I wanted to just date and see how we went. Everything had happened so quick in the beginning we never really had time for any of this.

He eventually moved in 1 year after the split. I never went back to camp as it was such a toxic environment for families. All the other married people I knew from that camp are now split apart from 1 couple who where very religious and conservative and another couple who I know cheat on each other all the time.

We are 5 years later and he is a changed person. He is happy and realises what he has. He tells me often how grateful he is for me and the kids and how he was so close to loosing it because of his terrible selfish behaviour. I am not suspicious of him because I know he would never want to go through anything like that again.

That time apart made me realised I am not just defined by being his wife and their mother. I am me. I am a person who can be herself, not just a dependent being.

I went back to work, went back to uni and am now a qualified teacher. I don’t need to be with him, I want to be with him.

That horrible break up was the best thing to ever happen to us!