I’ve heard this a lot, about how once you have a baby everything changes and a lot of relationships can’t make it through that. I never thought I’d be thinking about it in the sense of my boyfriend and I. Ever since our son was born at the end of June it hasn’t been the same. We’re tired, we argue. I’m battling with postpartum depression and he’s struggling with his mental health too. He’s going back to school in a few days and honestly I kinda resent him for it. Not that he’s going, i absolutely think it’s good for him to go back and I support him but I’m jealous and I’m scared. I’ll have to be alone with the baby all day every day, struggling with PPD, zero friends, no social life. Barely enough money to make it by.

But back to our relationship problems, we fight all the time. We both have borderline personality disorder so that mixed in with everything else results in both of us losing our cool so easily. We get overwhelmed and end up yelling and giving each other the silent treatment for a few hours. We always just separate until we could down and then we’re fine but it’s getting a little bit tiring.

He keeps giving me an “out” from the relationship and whatnot, but which he does almost every fight. It not only makes me feel like I’m the bad guy but also like maybe he wishes I would take it.

I’m so exhausted all the time and sad and lonely and most of time I don’t have any interest in being all lovey-dovey. I spend most of my time trying to make the baby stop crying or trying to figure out how to budget our money so we can live for the next month.

It’s like I can’t find the energy or the time to be in love anymore.

Maybe I am the bad guy, maybe I’m the one that’s being horrible and you guys will tell me to leave him because he deserves better...I don’t know. I truly do love him, and I love our son. I just don’t enjoy our life together anymore, but to be fair I don’t enjoy much of life at all anymore. And I think he spends just as much time wondering if we’ll be able to surpass this chapter together or not.

Thank you for reading my ranting...I just need someone to listen and give me advice I guess

My BFs birthday

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