Having a baby ruins relationships?

Question

I’ve heard this a lot, about how once you have a baby everything changes and a lot of relationships can’t make it through that. I never thought I’d be thinking about it in the sense of my boyfriend and I. Ever since our son was born at the end of June it hasn’t been the same. We’re tired, we argue. I’m battling with postpartum depression and he’s struggling with his mental health too. He’s going back to school in a few days and honestly I kinda resent him for it. Not that he’s going, i absolutely think it’s good for him to go back and I support him but I’m jealous and I’m scared. I’ll have to be alone with the baby all day every day, struggling with PPD, zero friends, no social life. Barely enough money to make it by. 
But back to our relationship problems, we fight all the time. We both have borderline personality disorder so that mixed in with everything else results in both of us losing our cool so easily. We get overwhelmed and end up yelling and giving each other the silent treatment for a few hours. We always just separate until we could down and then we’re fine but it’s getting a little bit tiring.
He keeps giving me an “out” from the relationship and whatnot, but which he does almost every fight. It not only makes me feel like I’m the bad guy but also like maybe he wishes I would take it.
I’m so exhausted all the time and sad and lonely and most of time I don’t have any interest in being all lovey-dovey. I spend most of my time trying to make the baby stop crying or trying to figure out how to budget our money so we can live for the next month. 
It’s like I can’t find the energy or the time to be in love anymore. 
Maybe I am the bad guy, maybe I’m the one that’s being horrible and you guys will tell me to leave him because he deserves better...I don’t know. I truly do love him, and I love our son. I just don’t enjoy our life together anymore, but to be fair I don’t enjoy much of life at all anymore. And I think he spends just as much time wondering if we’ll be able to surpass this chapter together or not.
Thank you for reading my ranting...I just need someone to listen and give me advice I guess

Answer

The postpartum window right after birth was horrible. I had PPA and baby blues quite badly, and then running on SUCH LOW sleep made it verrryyy rocky between my husband and I. Things didn’t really level out until about the 4-5 month mark. 
It takes time, this is a huge new adjustment for both of you, and it sounds to me that the mental health problems are the main cause of friction between you two. You guys both need to go to counseling and therapy, and get help with your individual mental health problems, and then learn to help and communicate better with each other. 
You guys CAN make it through this, but you WILL have to seek outside help. Otherwise you’ll both continue to hurt each other and your sweet baby needs stable loving parents. 
A baby does change a lot, but it doesn’t mean that it has to be for the worse by default. My sweet boy is about to be a year old now, and my husband and I are closer than ever before. We survived through it, and you guys can too

Answer

Have you seen your doctor for PPD?  They can give you medication, which you really need if you’re going to make it through this.
Look into counseling, individual and couple, for you guys.  BPD can’t be “cured” with medication like a lot of other mental health issues so it requires therapy to treat.
My fiancé has bipolar disorder and we almost didn’t survive having a baby.  He finally got on the right meds and our relationship has never been better.

Answer

I went through this too.

The first 6 months or so after having a baby are HARD. No one should make relationship decisions until after the first year in my opinion!

Tough it out and remind him that in a few months it will be much better.

Answer

I never went through this either. My husband and I bonded more when we had a baby, and even more so when we had our second. We definitely argued with the first one on splitting the duties because we were both tired, and I also random cried a couple times during PP with the second and he was like wtf, but watching our boys together makes us proud and stronger together.
Yalls mental issues probably play a role in what y’all are going through. I highly suggest joining a church or something that offers free counseling. If you’re open to joining a church, talk with the pastor and let him know your financial situation and ask if he would consider a few counseling sessions with y’all for free or if he knows as free resources you can contact in your community.

Answer

The first few months are HARD. Once baby is on a sleep schedule and both of you are getting quality rest, things should get better. It was rough for awhile in my relationship but we are good again. Im expecting another baby due in November and Im hoping that things will go more smoothly this time around since I know what to expect.

Answer

I think it happens to a lot of relationships. You are not alone! It took my husband and I a little while to get in a groove after our first baby and a lot of negotiations to get what each other needed. Just tell him that you are all touched out when he gets home! Holding a baby all day is tiring and sometimes mommas just don’t want to be touched! It’s a real thing and takes some time to get over. But you do have to communicate how your feeling and what you need. That’s how you get improvement

Answer

Financial issues can cause a lot of problems in relationships. Add mental issues on top of that and no wonder you guys are having such a rough time right now. If you live in the states and qualify for state medical, I would recommend seeing a psychologist to help with the bpd and ppd. Getting out every now and then will help with the feeling of loneliness and isolation as well. Have your partner help with the budgeting so all the pressure in finding ways to make it work aren't all on you. And he may be able to think of a way to save some money that you didn't think of. You both need to talk and figure out what each of you need to help release some of the stress. You sound like you're just completely burnt out. You need you time to recharge

Answer

I read. I’m listening and I care. I can’t offer advice since I’ve never been there but I thought you’d want to know you are cared for and thought about. ❤️ head up momma it’ll be ok.

Having a baby ruins relationships?

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