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Longterm infertility IVF APPEAL NHS

I am currently in the process of saving for

in the uk, I am also appealing/complaining against the policy for refusal of funding due to partner having a previous child but I know chances are slim but I really need to feel in control of something, even if just for a bit. I wrote this during and it sent me into a sad place for a good week but after, it feels cathartic.

This might be a upsetting post and I sincerely apologise but I really want to get it off my chest please and the Glow ladies seem to be so supportive wether they have babies or not.

To anyone else suffering with anything like this, you are not alone 🙏🏻

Thank you 💗

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My name is ****** I have been on a bit of a journey with fertility issues since May 2012 and have been trying for a baby with my partner since then, over 6 years. I have been through my local fertility department at ****** Hospital after being referred by my GP. I had a diagnostic laparoscopy in September 2017 which sadly found I have issues with my fallopian tubes, which the surgeon said is what explains the constant pain I am in throughout my monthly cycle of 26 days. It has also caused issues with my liver, adhesions I remember her saying. My ovary is stuck to my tube on the right side, is inflamed and swollen, the tube on the left is blocked completely, it is a bit of a mess in there but thankfully, my womb seemed to look ok. I was told that if I requested a hysterectomy, I would have this request granted due to the pain I am always in which has been documented with my GP’s in the past, I have been to the hospital A+E and Primary Care department with the pain before and told that I need to refer back to my GP or go through the fertility department. I was told that here was a significantly lower chance of me conceiving naturally and that if I did get pregnant, I would have a significantly higher chance of having an ectopic pregnancy, which would need to be terminated as the foetus could not be saved and I could risk losing one of my tubes, in drastic circumstances, could cause death. I was devastated beyond words, inconsolable for months but eventually found some hope again that my journey towards having the family that I have dreamed about for over 6 years was still possible. Sadly, my partner also has a sperm issue which we found out after this, low count below 3 million, so low that a proper result could not be given but was told we will need ICSI alongside any

cycle we have, adding to the already high cost of private

. Another numbing blow.

My partner has a child from a previous relationship, we have been told by numerous health professionals that that excludes us from any NHS funding for

within the NHS. There has been no contact with this child for at least 6 years due to the mother sadly and they live 200 miles away. I feel like my chance at motherhood has been ripped from my grasp and I live a life without children in it and this makes me feel empty and understandably upset.

I spend hours a day on forums looking for ways to unblock my tubes naturally, to fix sperm counts naturally, for stories from other couples who have the same issues as us and still get pregnant naturally. We still go through the motions of naturally trying to get pregnant, I chart my temperature, I do ovulation tests (Due to the tubal issues, I get a lot more pain during ovulation aswell as periods) I have lost 3 stone since being on this journey of trying to conceive after being told I was overweight and I have got my BMI to a healthier level. There is nothing more in the world that I want than to have a family of my own, to be pregnant with my partners baby and have a healthy pregnancy, just like all of the other people suffering with the diagnosis of infertility, I am desperate to see those two beautiful pink lines, I dream about being pregnant with a big round bump, a lot.

After the advice of my fertility consultant, I have sought professional help to help me with my emotional issues as this is admittedly, taking its toll on me. I feel in an impossible situation and this is torture, with every painful period, another unsuccessful attempt to add to the 76 attempts we have already failed to conceive on, aswell as having sex often is painful which makes trying harder. With every pregnancy announcement from sisters, aunties, friends, it takes me days to stop crying and feeling like a complete failure and gain composure enough to carry on with my existence. I simply cannot see my life childless without breaking down.

My symptoms from my tubal issues will never go away, they will never resolve themselves and any operation to unblock my tubes would likely result in more scarring, even if a Surgeon would be willing to do the procedure. The only way to try to solve the problem is to have a hysterectomy which also completely takes away my ability to have children. If I already had a child, I would very likely go ahead with a hysterectomy to relieve my life of pain, I can’t do this yet, by my own choice for reasons above. When I pictured my future that first 6 months of trying to conceive, I was 22 years old, I hoped for and pictured 3, 4 kids, it’s morning, I’m making toast for the brood that are refusing to put school shoes on, in our house, that I have managed to buy, with my best friend that I have married, getting the kids ready to go to school, going to work and looking forward to getting home to see everyone. I never could have known how much I would struggle with us getting pregnant or how much it would affect me. My whole life is on hold and I now just hope for the strength to get through the next negative pregnancy test or pregnancy announcement without falling to pieces, that is what I hope for now.

I live a life filled with grief for something I have never had to even lose.

Thank you

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