I’m 35 + I have put off getting pregnant because my Mother is so overbearing & manipulative that I know she would dictate everything. I am the eldest and I was so pleased when my sister fell pregnant first because it meant she had to deal with all those things first & I thought it would make things easier for me if/when my husband & I wanted to get pregnant, but fast forward >>6 years later & I haven’t seen any changes that would make me feel safer or find it any easier.

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She is just too much to even deal with so I find myself withdrawing into myself instead of facing the issues for fear of causing drama because I know we’ll fight. I left home when I was 16 because I couldn’t cope with her. We are currently having issues over her communication & the way she goes about making arrangements with me to catch up. Firstly, her expectations on how frequently her visits are & how often we should be talking on the phone are so unrealistic, our ideals just don’t match up at all & so there’s always a pressure on me to make plans or go along with her plans to the point where it gives me anxiety. Even when we do catch up it’s never enough. Secondly, She basically notifies me (days beforehand) of when she’ll arrive on my doorstep instead of asking if I’m available or what suits me. Because she goes ahead and makes plans without checking first, I feel like I need to justify how I’m spending my time then she says I am just conveniently busy & I’m just trying to be difficult & inflexible. I have a life, a job, a husband, I’m raising a guide dog puppy, I am also studying & she lives 2hrs drive away & we only have one car. I shouldn’t have to justify anything.

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We’ve discussed this issue before but she always just reverts back to her ways again & I so I try to distance myself. I’m starting to wonder if we will ever be able to have a relationship where she respects my decisions and stop putting pressure on my to do things to her expectations. It would be hell to be pregnant & have her imposing all her expectations onto me, I imagine I would be so stressed and anxious that I can’t bare to put myself through that.

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So I guess I’m asking if there’s anyone who’s successfully dealt with a family member like this or maybe you read this and have a suggestion for me?