The end of the 2 week wait: the hardest part

I wrote this in my journal and thought I would share for anyone going through the same thing. I blanked out my SO’s name.

My temp went down yesterday. We went to a zoo and all I saw was these pregnant women with children everywhere with so much joy and I almost wanted to cry because I want it so bad.

For that brief moment I let myself think about it and feel it. How bad I wanted it.

Today my temp rose a little and I got some hope even though I really feel like I’m going to get my period soon. I even took a test and of course did it so quietly to not have ***** see me.

When I took it, for the first time, I could swear I saw a very faint line. My heart started racing. I thought of telling ***** to come look. I thought of telling him “hey I think I might actually be pregnant”. And I thought about it over and over again but I knew even if it was a faint line he wouldn’t see it-men don’t have eyes for that much tiny detail.

So I went and posted it on glow and someone wrote they didn’t see anything. I felt embarrassed but then incredibly relieved that I didn’t tell *****. It’s hard going through this alone but if I told him every detail I would seem crazy.

And I’m tired of hanging on to this false hope. I’m so tired of this. The pressure inside me is building like a pressure cooker and I just want something to happen- anything at all would be better than this.

I just want it so bad - I want my moment to be pregnant, I want my moment to have a beautiful baby and a beautiful child even if it’s just one. This right here, right now is the worst. It’s worse than getting your period. At least then I’d know something, anything. I just want to get through this.