My ex and I had been together 7+ years when we had a falling out. I had thought he didn’t care about me anymore because he wasn’t a very verbal person when it can to his feelings. We live 3 hrs away from each other so that was another factor in us growing apart. Last year lay decided he must not love me, he never wants to marry me after all this time, so we broke up mutually. Well so I thought. For months I was miserable without him but he hadn’t reached out to me so I was too stubborn and proud to message him. A few months later around the end of September I was told by my brother he heard he was already seeing someone else. I was really hurt but I knew he can see whoever he wants because he is single. I had messaged him in anger about deleting photos or me off of his phone. He never mentioned seeing anyone and started flirting with me. I was happy and kind of confused. We spoke for two months as friends. I was still under the impression he didn’t love me or care. Sometime in December an old friend of mine from high school moved back to town so he messaged me asking how I was. I had everyone pushing me toward him because he lived close. I still live at home with my parents. I love them to death but they were having a hard time imagining me moving away. So my guy friend and I started talking and he said all the things I wanted my ex to say to me, so I fell for his game. We had started dating and hanging out, mostly me watching Netflix while he played computer games. My ex found out and was clearly devastated because he showed up at Walmart on Black Friday to try and propose to me. I was so confused and I was letting everyone including my family talking in my ear that I just needed to move on. I turned him down that might knowing that wasn’t what I wanted but I was confused to why he would do it now after 7 years. I thought he was just doing it because of the new boyfriend. So i don’t know. Anyways I dated that guy for two months and his true colors started to show, he was hateful, mean and made me feel awful because I take medication for certain health issues. So I broke up with him, the end of December. A few months later I texted my ex of 7 yrs because I had gotten bad news about my papaw and I had no one else who I could confide to who would understand. After that we agreed to be friends and we spoke everyday. And the more we spoke the more emotional I became thinking I broke him. I broke myself and I’ve grieved him every day like he’s died. It is to the point now that I can’t go a day without crying. I’m on multiple antidepressants and mood stabilizers to help. He came in to see me but he said he didn’t want to make anything complicated, but he still loves and misses me. I don’t know what to do, it’s been over a year apart and it’s literally killing me not to be with him. I have verbalized this to him. He had also told me he did want a life with me and he should’ve told me sooner but he just needs time now. We are both 24 and grew up together in love. I don’t know what to do or what I could say to him to make him understand I wouldn’t hurt him again and I made mistake. I live with this regret every day. I just don’t know what to do. I just need advice on what I can do.