So. I need a release because im running out of options here.. So bare with me.

Me and my fiance have beem together for 3 years. Great. In the very beginning everything was fine. Wasnt really looking for anything serious but it turned out that way.. Fast forward 6 months... Im at my extern site for college and i get a phone call saying that hes going to rehab for deug addiction and he understands if im not there when he comes home...

Pause.... Little back ground on me. My mother is a active addict my sisters and one brother 2 uncles and a aunt. All addicts. I skipped the mold.

Continue.... Me being me and having all that background and growing up i said okay... I will stay i am willing to try and love you threw it.. Because well.. Thats wjat they need.. Thwy mistreat and harm and lie amd manipulate everyone around them to wbere they have noone or nothing. So why bother sober life in there minds. I told him as long as he wants to help himself i will be here too... So... 2 rehabs and a suboxone dr later... We finally found out what works. Some pwople can do it completely sober and go to NA meetings and make it. And others... Well others like him need a chemical balancer to help him function in "normal" life... His mind does not work on a normal level.. So.. Now here we are doing great.. Yeyyyy.... And his insurance is cancelled and hes out of medicine... Everything is turned over in a day and a half... I feel like im back at square one... Its 275 us dollars to get his meds with no medical insurance...

So the whole purpose of this is because i have came to realize that i am not covered in that hard shell and have the abaility to let things go like i used to... I am having a hard time. A really hard time this go round... I love him to the moon and back hes a great man with a horrible disease.. And yes i said it.. Disease.. At first i was all thats a bunch of horse shit disease... If it were it would have some hereditary traits.. And it does... To weak minded folks... To followers.. Im not one of those.. Ive always been able to put it down never let it control my life... Take over my thoughts and make me do things i wouldnt continuously do. Its all just a cop out to a bullshit excuse... But.. My mind changed... I wasso desprate before we found this doctor that i joined in.. Thinkong it would either make me see what the hell hes talking about or make him stop because we are both going under the water... Well... It did both.. For a while... And i got a glimpse of what he meant when he was using to only keep from getting sick.. That its a fear that drives him to it.. And the human and half asshole part of me waa like... So what... Deal with it... Get over it... Amd then i experienced my self.. And then... Right then... With tears in my eyes and the most ashamed and dumbfounded feeling in my chest i told him... I wanted a pill....

So... Im sorry this is so long and its kind of all over the place but im just saying things i cant say to anyone peraonal... Im just so... So... So... Not wanting to go threw that again. I dont want him to... And im so scared that hes about to... And im tired.. Im not so hard any more.... Ughhhh... I feel a little better.... I think..