Growing up, my parents always had very abusive issues. My mom had me young at 16 and my dad was 18. They were on and off throughout my first 10 years and always always had domestic violence issues. My dad could never keep his temper under control, had drinking/drug issues and was just very toxic. My mom of course couldnt break the cycle, stayed, married him and nothing ever changed for long. Just promises of change that always ended up broken after a week or two. Growing up my father was very physically abusive and would always get in my face screaming things like "you think youre tough or bigger than me?" and would follow with a form of physical abuse. My mother always turned her back to it and excused it. After some serious abuse instances where he had choked me etc and my mom literally said "i cant witness this" and walked away to be able to tell family "i didnt see anything im not sure" at age 17 i left for good and kept quite a bit of distance. During my recovery i discovered that my dad was not just a sociopath and narcissistic but my mother also had very bad narcissistic qualities. After the years of abuse being around my father, and even my mother, now makes me very uncomfortable to the point my fiance feels terrible leaving my side because he can see how it puts me back into this childhood fear state and i shut down and my anxiety gets awful. It feels like i have no voice (although yes i know i do its just this programmed fear i cannot overcome) and i shut down. At 36 weeks pregnant my mother had been mad she wasnt getting to plan a last minute daiper party for my fiance and because of that anger, slapped me in the face (hard enough for people to hear) and said it was "funny and a joke but felt great".. its now my due date and the more they text i cant shake the feeling of how god awfully uncomfortable im going to be with them seeing my daughter and it makes me cringe even thinking of them being around. Ive thought of every way and every excuse to cut their time short meeting her and we already decided long long ago they were not ever going to be trusted with our daughter without us there unless they got professional help and gained our trust back through years (to which when we explained our reasons they blamed us for their actions when we have had very little contact and called us manipulative and blame gamed us, they just always do harmful things and try to take control and try forcing us to do what they want when we do give them a chance.. for instance she told me she WILL be in our delivery room and i WILL NOT breastfeed because she struggled or that we were not aloud to buy our house because it was too close to my grandparents... obviously we arent letting these things happen just examples, as well as still being physically and emotionally abusive even though im much older and have a fiance, house etc)... Im not sure what to do or if this makes me a bad person but i really just wish they would disappear. Theyve caused so much mental and physical abuse, stress and pure exhaustion through the years and act as if its no biggie and theres nothing wrong with their behaviors and drinking issues and i just dont want that toxicity in my life or my baby's, i want her to never know those feelings i had growing up.. Being around my father literally makes my skin crawl and my mother always uses mean nasty comments and shame or humiliation tactics to make me feel helpless. I just feel like the damage they inflicted is something that isnt fixable especially without them trying to change their actions and even then, i dont feel like i will ever be able to get past the abuse.. Feeling very lost and scared that my choices will affect how the rest of my family veiws these decisions.. Any advice would be greatly appreciated🙁