I blame myself, when will it stop? Please read 😢
My boyfriends mother moved in with us after we had our baby.
She lived with her cousin and she talked nothing but shit about that place and absolutely hated it there. I’m not sure I ever heard one positive thing about her living situation. When she asked to move in, I was very happy. I’ve always known the women to be such a nice and sweet person. She offered to live with us in return to nanny our child. We were so happy and couldn’t think of a better nanny.
I was always a very clean person but after she moved in I started to attend college full-time and worked full-time. I started to get messy (I’d do my laundry every few days instead of every other day, do the dishes in the morning instead of before I went to bed, etc). By no means was I ‘gross’ I was just messy. Well she was a clean freak and before I could even do anything she’d do it. I’d say thank you.
Well my SO and I got in a fight one night in our bedroom with the door shut. We were both drinking and talking back and fourth loudly but not yelling. The fight was about stupid stuff. Anyways, his mother got involved and I asked her to politely mind her own business, and she replied ‘that’s my son’ and continued ranting after that. The next night I woke up and I felt like I met the devil. She totally turned into a whole different person.
She began to tell me that I needed to spend more time with my daughter and pretty much treating me like a bad mother. I had a routine every day I’d go to school, go to work, come home feed my daughter, give her a bath, we’d play for a little bit, then I’d have her play by herself why I studied, I’d feed her again, put her to bed, study more, she’d wake up for a bottle, I’d sleep and wake up 3 more times in the night, and repeat.
She’d make some of the worst comments under her breath and I’d let them role over my shoulder, I’d leave something on the counter if my daughter started to cry and when I return to clean it up she’d already have done it. Then she’d make nasty comments about me being a slob. Well I got tired of it so I finally started to stick up for myself. My SO would get involved and tell his mother she was in the wrong by what she would say to me. His mother would hide things on purpose, move things I already moved, hang picture on our walls without asking, removing items that were mine.
She’d also make me drive her everywhere, even when I was suppose to be sleeping or had tons of homework to do.
Long story short, we didn’t get along and she treated me like a horrible parent even though everyone I’ve ever met told me I’m an amazing mother, even been asked to take on foster kids and with all this going on I managed to adopted my younger sister.
Well in February my SO mom past away out of the blue. My SO called me while I was at work and told me she was in the hospital and I hurried and quickly went there right away. She asked me to leave the room and that was the last I’ve talked to her.
I hate myself so so much. I think about her all the time and wonder if I could of done anything to have made her life easier or better before she past. Was I that terrible of a person? My SO told me there’s nothing I could of done because she was always stubborn and set in her ways. I feel the worst about everything and can’t help hate myself because I feel like I caused my SO to take my side when things got tough and not his moms ( I didn’t make him, he chose too) but gosh. It’s eating me alive!