I love him and I lost him

I need to vent because this is weighing me down way to much.

So I meet this guy at the beginning of last school year.

He’s great and amazing an awesome and just the best.

The guy tells me he likes me and I didn’t like him that way so I just said I wanted to be friends.

2 weeks pass by.

I realized I like him. I love him actually.

We lost contact until about 6 months ago.

We got super close.

I tried to tell him i liked him and he said he didn’t like me back before I could even tell him.

We get even closer than we were before.

Flash forward to now. I’m in love with him.

I look at his big green eyes and realized i had a chance to call him mine. To love him. To hold him. And I blew it. I look at his smile and realize how much of an idiot I am for letting that go.

I cry because I love someone so much that I would rather talk to him than anyone else some times. I cry because he understands me. I cry because I know he loves me but not in the way I want him to.

I look at him and realize I lost the greatest thing in my life. I look him and want to tell him “I love you” but I can’t.

I want him to know how I feel and for him to just say I do too.

But I guess I expect to much from myself. From life. From him.