Mental health advice

Hi everyone, this may be on the longer side but I’m gonna try to keep it short. And before i start,

I will be going to be seeing a therapist. I just haven’t had the nerve to finally call one yet. I know no one online can give me a diagnosis or anything but, just hoping someone can relate.

Within the past few months everything has gotten weird for me. I’ve been having these personality.. swings. Nothing different has happened to provoke any negativity. I call these times my my dark times so my husband knows when I’m gonna be a little off 😭 basically, one morning I’ll wake up and feel exhausted. Not just tired, but like all of the energy and emotion has been sucked out of me. I will feel completely empty and like my life is absolutely horrible (it’s not, my life is actually pretty great. I own a home with my husband, we have two amazing kids, we have no marital issues, etc) obviously my life has some issues but whose doesn’t. Anyway, during these times I’ll just want to give up. (Not suicidal or wanting to harm anyone in any way.) Just like I’m not happy anymore, I want to move away on my own where no one can find me and start a new life on my own. I’m numb to everything, and I’m completely out of it like I’m in a daze or my mind is somewhere else. I feel horrible for having these mood things, because there’s no reason for them so my husbands very confused. These “phases” will last for about a week or so, then one morning it’ll just switch off. I’ll wake up filled with energy as always. I’ll know how blessed I am to have this great life and I won’t even be able to believe how i had those dark thoughts just the day before. I’ll feel so happy and back to normal I’ll convince myself everything is fine and it could never happen again. This will last two weeks max. Then I wake up and everything’s dark again.

For some background, I have anxiety but I’ve had anxiety for as long as i can remember. I’ve never taken any meds for it as i control it somewhat well. My dad was on medication for bipolar his whole life basically. I just wanna know what’s going on with me so I can go back to living my life. If anyone has any advice or thoughts i would really appreciate it. Thank you in advance for reading this if anyone does.