My nephew is born 2 weeks after my miscarriage

I was so excited when my niece was born. I wanted every little picture and detail. This time, although I love my nephew, I don’t really care to see or hear about it and I really hate myself for feeling that way. I feel like he deserves more. At least he’s on the other side of the country with my cousin in law and her family and she doesn’t usually post too much on Facebook. I’m so happy for her but not ready to be involved or hear much. It’s going to be hard when we’re over at my husbands grandparents (his pseudo parents) because they deserve to be happy, and I won’t say anything, but I know I’m probably going to spends good amount of time crying in the bathroom. I thought our babies would grow up to be best cousin friends with her biyearly visits like how I was with my cousins. They were going to be less than 6months separated in age and I thought it was going to be so cool that they grew up together. I’m worried my nephew will have the shadow of what would have been in my mind and he doesn’t deserve that.