I'm so beyond frustrated.. its 12:30am and I have to be up at 2am for work.. I can't sleep because I have been crying for the past 3 hours. I'm so mad and frustrated I feel like I can't even function properly anymore. I've been ttc for 5 years with my husband and have had 2 losses.. it feels like it's never going to be my turn.. I feel like an awful person for feeling the way I do.. I'm so bitter and jealous of every pregnant person I see.. I judge everyone with a young child immediately as to whether or not i feel they are a good parent and how I would be so much better or do things different.. I see people complaining about there children or there pregnancy and how hard it is when I really just want to tell them to go screw themselves because I would give litterally anything for that and tell them how ungrateful they are being.. I see people who have ttc'd for a year or less complaining about how long it's taken to finally get pregnant or how they just can't do it anymore after ttc for a few months.. it drives me insane!! I wanna tell them that they have no idea what it feels like to truly ttc.. I have a cousin who is pregnant and another who just started trying and I have a feeling she is and it drives me insane .. infertility has ruined me. It has taken my late teens and early 20s.. I know ppl who started ttc when I did and they just had there 3rd baby.. i feel like that should be me.. my body has failed me. I dont deserve my husbands love and affection yet he gives it to me without blinking. He should be with someone that can give him a child because i clearly can't.. I'm a failure on so many levels.. I am so broken.