I am broken

Chelsea • 25. Unsuccessfully ttc for 6yrs for #1 and had 2 losses before separating from my ex husband. 👼👼 1st mc 5-2-16. 2nd mc 10-23-17 And 1 mc since the seperation 3rd mc 09-26-19

I'm so beyond frustrated.. its 12:30am and I have to be up at 2am for work.. I can't sleep because I have been crying for the past 3 hours. I'm so mad and frustrated I feel like I can't even function properly anymore. I've been ttc for 5 years with my husband and have had 2 losses.. it feels like it's never going to be my turn.. I feel like an awful person for feeling the way I do.. I'm so bitter and jealous of every pregnant person I see.. I judge everyone with a young child immediately as to whether or not i feel they are a good parent and how I would be so much better or do things different.. I see people complaining about there children or there pregnancy and how hard it is when I really just want to tell them to go screw themselves because I would give litterally anything for that and tell them how ungrateful they are being.. I see people who have ttc'd for a year or less complaining about how long it's taken to finally get pregnant or how they just can't do it anymore after ttc for a few months.. it drives me insane!! I wanna tell them that they have no idea what it feels like to truly ttc.. I have a cousin who is pregnant and another who just started trying and I have a feeling she is and it drives me insane .. infertility has ruined me. It has taken my late teens and early 20s.. I know ppl who started ttc when I did and they just had there 3rd baby.. i feel like that should be me.. my body has failed me. I dont deserve my husbands love and affection yet he gives it to me without blinking. He should be with someone that can give him a child because i clearly can't.. I'm a failure on so many levels.. I am so broken.. I have prayed every day for God to heal my barren room. Read books. Did studies. Quiet time to listen to God. Pray with others.. try to not think about it and go with it.. but tonight I am broken.