How does this work?! I’ve been trying but I know I still love and care about him so much so it’s hard to walk completely out of each other’s lives.

So I was in a 7+ year relationship from high school, we were long distance every summer and also for the 2 years when I went to grad school, I guess I just started to see the world differently and we grew apart and I broke up with him. I felt like a crazy person setting fire to my perfect relationship that everyoneeee thought wed get married, etc. I just really wanted to be more independent and find my worth on my own and make mistakes and learn from them. Sounds dumb as I read it back now. But I had been raised in a perfect little bubble of always pleasing everyone and meeting my families expectations and a big part of this was dating this man who came from a good family and had a good job. But it’s hard feeling so settled at 22 years old and wondering what I might be missing out on. I didn’t know myself and what I really wanted. I was scared to get married so young and make such a huge commitment and I wondered how much of it would have been what my family and friends wanted vs what I really wanted.

Well it’s been 2 years now since we broke up and I still don’t know if I made the right choice. I don’t see him often maybe 1 or 2x a month to hang out as friends, almost always in group settings. We’re both single right now but we both have dated and slept with other people. We’ve also slept together since we broke up but not recently because I’ve told him I don’t want to lead him on or keep him waiting around. I know he deserves someone who will commit to him. I feel really shitty about this. I feel like it’s comfortable being around him but I’m not sure if he’s really what I want. Ever since, I met so many other people and have enjoyed being free and single in my 20s but I also feel sad and bad about wanting all this freedom at his expense.

I’m also afraid to commit now to any other man. I am just so scared about making the wrong choices. Like if I commit to someone else my ex and I would definitely have to say goodbye to our friendship. But idk if I’m ready for that.

I won’t even let myself go on dates for fear that I’m not sure what I want or that I can’t answer the question if a guy asks what I am looking for. I really don’t know what I am looking for.

I guess I’m just not in a place to be giving towards someone else. I’m basically not ready for a relationship. When can I just move on already?