I’m having the most intense sex of my life (im in my early thirties, he’s close to forty) with my best friend.

We can’t be a couple tho, not only because it’s just unethical (no affair, not cheating or anything like that it’s complicated and long) but also the friend is not ready for a relationship (also he’s just not relationship material).

But the thing is, we have been so open with each other on such a broad range of subjects (especially sex but everything about life and deep conversations), we make fun of our psychological shortcomings, we can’t hide ourselves from each other and I think this greatly contributes to our mind blowing orgasms... who knew?!

He’s the kind of guy that falls for distant girly girls, quite younger than himself as a way to emotionally distance himself. All his relationships are tainted by cheating on each side. He’s very insecure. I was like a guy friend for him since the beginning (we’ve known each other for 8 years). He helped me through a broken phase.

Never thought I’d sleep with him let alone fall in love with him but here we are...

Talking is easy for us and we have talked about my falling in love with him. He doesn’t feel the same.

And that’s okay.

We sleep together, wake up together. We cuddle, hug, cry, comfort, cheer up together.

Eat, drink and smoke together.

We know each other’s history, fantasies, secrets, point of views, our differences, similarities.

We try to watch things together (errr... somehow we end up naked), hang out with friends together (nobody knows we have sex) and spend time alone too without me feeling like I’m about to die.

We tell things that we can’t tell anyone else.

We have nearly spent all our weekends together (it’s been 6 months) and he still picks me up on weekdays whenever any of us wants.

I mean, this is the perfect relationship for me! This is how it’s supposed to feel!

And although the being in love is not mutual as he says it; I can see how much he has changed. In a good way! His confidence has increased. He’s learning new things about himself (both in bed and in general) and learning first hand information on women. He has told me he has never felt this close to someone of the opposite sex (he didn’t have to tell me, it was clear from his past relationships stories and the way he treated women).

We are like each others therapy.

So, I’m not crying anymore because of unrequited love. My heart is full of love. I’m happy to be experiencing such a love. Deep down I know he loves me albeit not in a “lover” way and that’s okay too! For one, I feel myself around him, second: even if he has a real relationship (not likely soon) he will never forget me and the thing we have together.

I can’t post comments anonymously so here goes:

Question1: Nice question! I will not have this same relationship with him if/when he has a gf. Things will change, uncontrollably. If I’m not jealous I will still be around them, in a respectful manner. Ultimatums don’t really work in relationships anyway. I really wish for him to have this level of intimacy with someone he falls in love with, he deserves it. But if he doesn’t, I will always be there for him. Both as a friend and as his sex partner (if we still feel the same).

Question2: Good points! And you’re right in some ways. It’s been 9 months since my divorce (5 years together) and I honestly don’t believe in marriage anymore. In fact, keeping intimate relationships in general are so hard nowadays. We all crave closeness but avoid each other. What you’re saying is true; he doesn’t fully let himself love somebody. But how can I blame him when I’m the same? Yes, on the surface I crave intimacy, but thinking about lifelong commitment, marriage, having kids... these things scare me! My failed marriage has let me learn a lot of unpleasant things about myself.

Oh no, I’m not waiting for him to change. He won’t (it’s just not possible to have an “out there” relationship between us). This is not a relationship that is right but it’s the only one in my 32 years of life that makes me feel this way. I think some people are just loners. This can be unlearned of course, but I’m just not ready for anything else than feeling my feelings right now, if that makes sense?!