This is gonna be long.....

Me and my kids father have had a rough 4.5 years, but he was always there for me when i was down. When i was super depressed he talked to me and made me feel 10x better. He was honestly my best friend. We’ve been off and on, and even when we weren’t together, he’d always be there for me. He knows me best (him and my girl best friend).

When we had our son, we weren’t together when i found out i was pregnant. We had recently broken up and i got pregnant right before we ended things. He was so supportive (verbally), my mom didn’t take my pregnancy well at all and things were rough at home(i was living with my mom. I was only 18 when i got pregnant), but he helped me stay calm and get through everything. But, i slowly saw him not really buying anything for our son. He’d ask about how i was feeling and go to appointments, but that was it. Once my son was here, he barley helped financially. We still weren’t together but we were still good friends. He had a daughter who he was on child support and he always said how much money they take out of his checks, so i sucked it up and didn’t bitch much. Of course i would here and there, but i just did everything on my own pretty much. Once my son was about 1 and a half, we got back together. I was hesitant bc i wasn’t about to be DATING my child’s father and him still not help financially. He’d help here and there, but not much. I kept hoping things would change. We ended up moving 2 hours away to a whole different state, bc his mom and brother lived there and his mom has health issues and wasn’t doing too well. I really didn’t want to move that far, especially with our rocky past. But bc i had such high hopes for a change in him and a successful family, i went. It only took a month of being up there that things went wrong. I don’t even remember why he was mad at me or if i was mad at him, but it was something small and stupid. He called his ex girlfriend (who he dated while i was pregnant up until we got back together when our son was 1. He ended up getting her pregnant while they were together so they also had a son together at this time.) he was talking shit about me to her right in front of me. Calling me all sorts of names. Then had the audacity to say “I’ll call you later. i love you, bye” i was already fed up with him not helping financially with our son, and this was the last straw. I called my aunt crying and told her what happened and how i needed to come back home but all my stuff wouldn’t fit in my car. She told me she’d come and help me move back. It was 3 in the morning when i called her and she got up and got there by 7. I love her so much for that I’m so grateful to have a family that’s there for me. anyways, he’s going off saying i broke up our family he hopes it was worth it blah blah blah. I BROKE UP OUR FAMILY😂 I literally did nothing but okay. So me and my son leave. I go back to my moms house until i can find someplace of my own. Weeks go by and i don’t hear a word from him. I also started feeling real sick, then missed my period(only by a day). I had such a bad feeling i was pregnant but didn’t want to believe i probably was. I wait a few days, still no period. I took a test and sure enough, it was positive. I cried so much that night. Babies are a blessing but i never wanted to be a single mom. I was already sick of financially supporting my son alone without his help, and now I’m going to have two kids with him. Yes I was stupid for even having unprotected sex with him, but when he’s the only guy I’ve been messing with for 4 years and we were living together and a “family”, shit happens. I texted him a picture of the test. He called me saying “what the fuck does that mean?” I said “you know exactly what that means. I’m pregnant” he calmed down and seemed excited and talked about how he’s gonna step up and be a better dad and help out financially with the kids. But, weeks go by and nothing. He started acting super distant and barley speaking to me, so one day i just didn’t text him back. Guess how long it took for him to hit me up again? SIX MONTHS. Not one text asking about our son. Not one text asking how our unborn child is. Completely missed our son’s 2nd birthday. Literally not a word from him. One day he texts me and asks how our kids are. At this point I’m like 6-7 months pregnant. I wanted to ignore him so bad, but if he were to ever take me to court for custody(which i doubt he would), i didn’t want him to be able to say he’d ask about his kids and i wouldn’t answer. So i said they’re good. Slowly but surely we start talking more and more. He talks about being a family and stuff but i tell him i can never be with him again. How can a “parent” just go 6 months without even asking about their child’s well being? Especially after you were just spending every single day with him for months. He says he’s going to keep trying to prove to me he’s different and he’s not giving up bc this is what he wants. I tell him it’s not going to work but he says he’s gonna try. We’ve now been talking every day for 2.5 months. He’d ask about the baby and our son here and there in the beginning but not much. He’s said he’s gonna send money for them but it’s always an excuse as to why he can’t. He hasn’t asked to call our son or how our unborn baby is in over a month. I’m due on Halloween and he hasn’t gotten one thing for the baby. I’m so sick of this bullshit i want to just block him and never speak to him again. It hurts bc this was my best friend. Someone i spent years with. I try and try so hard just for the sake of our kids. I grew up without a dad and always wondered what it’d be like. I don’t want that for them, but i can only do so much.... my heart hurts for my kids bc they deserve so much more then a half ass dad. Would i be wrong to just cut him off completely..? I’m scared it’ll make him mad and he’ll try and take me to court for shared custody. Not that i don’t want my kids to have a bond with him, but i don’t want to go through court. I’ve never kept him away from our son and my son has no clue who he is now. I don’t want him to be forced to go with a complete stranger who when i left, had major drinking and anger issues. It all just scares me.