Just don’t think the bad thoughts....

I love my family but it just doesn’t work that way. If I could stop thinking them then I would not be on anti depressants. I wish I could stop thinking them.

No they are not a constant all the time thing but I never realized how bad it was till one day I forgot my anti depressants and was to far from home to get them. So I thought ok what is not taking them one day gonna matter? Oh boy let me tell u it does matter. It hit me the next day like a bitch slap to the face that’s how bad it was. I started thinking my child was a burden,I almost felt like I wanted to hurt him just to get him to stop fidgeting in his sleep cause I couldn’t handle it,when I was feeding him all I wished for was for him to just go to sleep,he didn’t even feel like he was mine I just felt so distant from him.

I had 2 breakdown that day,1 while most everyone was out of the house,and the second was before I was going to take a nap. I broke down cause I couldn’t handle that I have this. I was just thinking why me? Why me out of all these ppl did I have to get this?

Yes I am dependent on them but they make everything better and help me function and I know maybe one day I will get taken off of them but I still have a while till that day comes.