I don't know how to even start.... I guess I will start from the beginning. My husband and I been trying to have a baby for about or a little over four years. When we hit the two year mark we started asking questions and did whatever steps we had to take. We actually started seeing a infertility doctor but without any luck then we had to stop because we had to go out of the country for a while. Once we got back it was hard trying to go to a specialist due to work/ adopting (more details later on) But Two weeks ago changed everything. I went to to see my provider for a women's wellness exam and found out I was pregnant! The first week of course was amazing, a blessing. But that second week everything went down hill. I spotted that first week after the exam. And I started freaking out because I kept having cramps as well so we end up going to the er. And they checked my hsg levels, did a sonogram, a vaginal sonogram, and another exam (I can't remember). They ended up not finding anything, no baby. I should have been around 8 weeks. They gave me three options. 1. Threatened miscarriage 2. Tubal pregnancy or 3. I was earlier than 8 weeks. After that my world started falling apart... I felt like the doctor wasn't really there for us especially since she said this happens a lot. But there has to be that understanding that not all women are the same not all women can handle this with a strong heart. She was rude she didn't finished telling us everything and just lett for a phone call that one the nurses stopped by to tell her she had. Not even after she finished the phone call she didnt came back. We were trying to process everything we were being told or letting us have the understanding that all couples long for. Even didn't get to ask questions that we had for her. After getting discharged from the er... I was home probably about 30 mins and I felt like I pee'd on myself, but it was actually blood. Of course I freaked out because I knew in my heart that I had no hope to hold on to anymore. I knew I lost the baby. My husband insisted that i went to the er again but i didn't want anymore. I did not want to deal with anyone especially nurses nor doctors. But I still went but to a different hospital and they said the same thing Threatened miscarriage and that I should come within the next two days to check my hcg level to confirm. And I did six days later because I'm leaving a part of the story where running around trying to chase answers and of course florance effected us as well. Anyways confirmed with a hcg level of 22 from a 349.7 I believe. A spontaneous miscarriage. At this point I'm mentally and physically drained. I cried. Depression and jealousy has a toll on me. Feeling like I have no one to talk too and for the people who do not deserve their babies or scrolling down Facebook or not wanting to see my friend who I have been a few weeks apart. Or my sister in law who seventh child I have custody of and trying to get adoption for. Now is pregnant with her eighth. I just can find myself....