You know I sometimes sit in my room in complete darkness and I think about you and I sometimes think about me but it's mostly us. I sit there in the dark and I think and I cry and I whimper and shake like a scared fucking child because sometimes that's what it feels like. It feels like a huge storm has came over me and I put my face against my my knees and I scream but no one ever comes no comes to see what I'm crying about or if I'm okay. I sit there with an innocent child inside of me and I beg and I fucking pray that they won't ever have to feel the way that I do I pray that they aren't as selfish and as stupid as I was. That when they meet their soul mate like I did when I met you that they will listen to their heart and they will hold their partners heart in their hands with care and not do what I did. I was selfish and I was mean and I never listened enough and I didn't tell you I loved you and appreciated you enough. Other times I sit on the floor in the dark next to my door and I scroll through old photos and I cry and I shake and I breathe heavily and I try so hard to not think about you in bed with her I try so hard to just not think at All but you are the only person I know who gets me. I scream because this child is part of a complete monster a man who leaves no survivors in his path and destroys everything he touches and I am terrified this life inside of me will turn out to be like that. I always thought that some people had pure souls but even the purest of souls have mould inside them if too much shit gets in. I love you I do. I tell you this almost every single day and every time I say it you tell me that you don't want me to talk about it online because she might see and I hate it because I know you love me I know you do or you wouldn't have kissed me the way you did and you wouldn't of told me that you missed me and you wouldn't have held my face in your hands that night and looked me in the eyes the way you did. I felt that I fucking felt it and it hurt me so bad because I just wanted to pull you into me and never let you go it wasn't about the sex it was never about it... It was purely because I wanted your touch to feel you against my skin again to feel your hands on me like I was the first person you had touched that way. Mt heart burns it burns and I want to scream every day because I can't seem to ever get it to stop. Wandering around the woods with you and just how pure it was with us laughing and making jokes at each other like old times was fucking beautiful. I wish you would see that I just want you no one else nothing else. You are perfect to me and I never want to lose you...but I'm losing you...and I am so fucking terrified that I'll never get the chance to be with you again.