A little backstory here I’ve been with my boyfriend for around a year and half. The relationship moved fast we were inseparable by week 4. There were a lot of red flags early on in the relationship but I was infatuated with him, on our first date he violently attached some random dude for looking at me but at the time as shocked as I was I felt somewhat flattered by his possessiveness to me it was a sign he liked me. Another time I found out he’d been speaking to another girl and when I confronted him he barely said anything so I left and he didn’t chase me until a week later I was out with friends and I was say at the bar talking to the bartender, a guy I know, when he came over. I didn’t want to speak to him so I told him to leave me alone but he persisted until the bartender intervened but this made him see red and he threw a bottle at him. After he was removed from the bar he jumped in my cab and followed me home and somehow managed to worm his way back into my life. So many things happened that should have made me run far from him but he always ended up getting me back in some way or another. A few weeks ago he physically attacked me because I told him we needed some time apart because our relationship is toxic. I was convinced he was going to kill me it was only when his mom came round that I got away by climbing out of the window whilst he was distracted. He’s been harassing me ever since I block his number but he just gets another one at first he was threatening now he’s grovelling. The other night his best friend came round. Throughout my relationship this guy has been the only thing that has made me feel good. I’ve always thought he was super hot and we have a great friendship but I never looked at him in a romantic way I was too blinded by my boyfriend to see anyone e else. But his best friend always comforted me when things went wrong, he was always the mediator between us and I genuinely believe there were times when he actually saved me from my boyfriend by reasoning with him before he did anything irrational. So he came round to see if I was ok he said my boyfriend was in a bad way and that he misses me but he’d never told him what he’d done he just said we’d fallen out. I told him what happened and he was there for me he made me feel safe for the first time since it happened but still I wasn’t thinking about anything romantic or sexual with him but I did feel sad at the thought if I leave my boyfriend I’m going to have to lose contact with his best friend too. We talked for a couple hours then he left but he came through again last night. We just chilled together and I could tell there was something wrong with him so I kept pushing him to tell me and eventually he opened up to me and told me what was wrong, I won’t go into that because it’s his personal life, and it touched me so deeply. I know I probably sound hella stupid but I’ve never felt that way about anyone and anyway one thing led to another and we had sex. I didn’t think about my boyfriend once. He told me he has strong feelings for me but he knows it’s fucked up and I know what he means but I feel like I’m willing to risk it all. So yeah I cheated and I don’t have any regrets about it I’m more determined to get rid of that dead weight of a so called boyfriend and I hope his best friend feels the same.

I know technically it isn’t cheating because I’m trying to leave him but he hasn’t left me so as far as he is concerned if he knew about this I have cheated and the fact that it’s with the closest person to him.