Losing faith


I have one child and 3 losses. I recently had positive test and of course got excited. Well I've been spotting now I'm afraid I'm about to have a chemical. I get my results back tomorrow which I know will be positive but when i go for my 2nd blood I just have a feeling my hcg has lowered. It kills me inside. It kills me to keep losing these babies I want so bad. It kills me that my child who wants a sibling may not get one on earth. It kills me to keep seeing all my family become pregnant. I know how blessed I am for my 1 don't get me wrong or think I'm not appreciative. I am. It's just literally feels like its eating me up inside every time I lose another baby. I know I should have faith that this pregnancy has a chance but I have this gut feeling it won't and that makes me so sad.