I woke up at 4am in a lot of pain In my cervical area, I’d been having cramping yesterday morning and had gone to the er they said my hcg had gone to 3000 something almost 4000 and we got to see the tiny little gestational sac on the screen it had put my mind at ease but when I was woke up by this pain I felt a wetness and like all the times before I reached down to see what it was thinking it was most likely discharge as I’ve had so much lately but it wasn’t. I jumped out of bed sobbing begging god not again please god don’t take my baby again I got to the bathroom and was covered in blood as soon as I sat on the toilet it all fell out and I just sat there hysterical. Clots are now coming out every one that comes I sob and wonder if that ones my baby as I’m only 5 weeks I doubt I’d be able to tell. I couldn’t even bring myself to flush the toilet because I fear I’m flushing away my baby like it was nothing. All I wanted was to make my sweet girl a big sister she was so happy how will I tell her yet again mommy lost the baby. I look at these pictures of her and she was soooo happy I have to ruin that in the morning. On top of everything when I went to the doctor a week ago today that pos doctor didn’t believe I was even pregnant because the urine test they did on me was negative I showed him my very positive tests and he said and I quote “idk who peed on those but your not pregnant” that say he did hcg and it was 254 I have been looking forward to seeing him again and telling him he was wrong and telling him he owed me an apology but now as I lay here all I can think is I’ve got to call them when they open and I’m going to have to see him as he’s the one following my pregnancy and that kills me. All I can keep doing is crying and asking myself what did I do wrong why gods taking another baby from me. My doctors office has told me I have to have at least 3 miscarriages for them to look into why it’s happening and that just breaks me thinking I’ll have to feel this pain again before they help me. I can’t even cry anymore I’m just numb I woke my husband up sobbing but he’s like a log when he sleeps you can’t wake him for nothing. He told me to go back to bed and I know if he really heard me he’d be up holding me right now but I can’t bring myself to wake him right now and make him feel what I’m feeling. He’d feel helpless wanting to help me. So I sit here alone in the dark wanting to cry but just feeling like someone ripped my heart out. On top of everything the person I hate most in this world is pregnant my brother in laws whore. I found out a few days before finding out I was expecting and I remember telling my hubby I’d wanna curl up in a ball and die if I wasn’t pregnant and she was and now I sit here and think of that woman who doesn’t even deserve to be a pet owner as she’s still using drugs is pregnant and I’m now losing another baby. I’ll have to suffer through this pain as she starts to feel her little one move I’ll have to go through the hell of trying every month with no luck as she picks out names. I know I should be happy for them but right now it just hurts.....