So I’ll make the story as short as I can. I could talk for ever about all the happy times we had, but know there was never a dull/boring moment.

I met a guy on tinder, usually that shit goes so south but he was one of the few who was actually serious on there. We finally met, hit it off, things were great. I have a weird work schedule but we tried to see each other as much as week could. We had just about everything in common and he was just as weird as I was. The more with hung out the more plans we made...”I have an extra concert ticket, come to this show next month”, “come to my company Christmas party”, “I want to show you were I grew up, meet my family,”, he wanted to take to me to so many places and teach me new things. I’ve been a afraid of the city and that’s where he had lived and so he showed me all around, his favorite places, how beautiful it was. Never wanting the night to end, always making sure I was having a good time-“are you sure you don’t need to go home? Good because this night should never end” Our first kiss was after a long night in the city, we fell asleep in my car cuddling in his cousins driveway. And when we woke at 3am-oh shit.l, groggy and gross, he kissed me. We both were insecure about our bodies, had crummy pasts, liked all of the same stuff, so it was amazing to click over nearly everything. As fast as it was moving it seemed like we’d known each other forever- we both agreed that. (This whole story is within a little over a month) I always walked beside him or more behind him and he would ALWAYS be looking over his shoulder while we walked because he was scared something would happen to me. I moved out of my parents home into my first apartment, which I was skeptical about him helping with. But he insisted, just like he’d always insist on opening my door for me(until he switched from his classic car that didn’t have a working FOB). So I let him. We grocery shopped together, he helped me with things around my place. We covered a fuck ton of ground quickly. We only actually had sex once, which was a huge feat for him based on his fears. But we had a lot of fun with other things. Intimacy wasn’t an issue but it was definitely not just a “hookup” relationship.

He’d been dealing with his recent ex, they shared an apartment and his name was on a lot of things as a co-signer. So he was struggling with a lot. She slept with his friend and he’s been running for a long time trying to get her out of the apartment that she said could be his(he lived with a family member instead). Finally her move out day comes and he’s telling me how stressed he is that she’s leaving him with nothing, and that he’s already lost so much money over this stuff,and texts me this fancy ring her bought her awhile ago”was able to steal this back, she doesn’t deserve it”. All the while my insecure ass is bawling because I’m ready for this chick to be gone. She is, he gets his place back and has only a couch left but she’s finally gone. I get angry during this though and feel like somethings up and that all of our time could’ve been a lie. We hung out on a Thursday, the above ex moment happed on a Friday, and Saturday when he comes over so we can talk about everything he drops a totally different bomb. He’s considering moving to another state 5 hours away as his best friend offered him a job. He was sick of his current job and feeling kind of lost, but he’d always make it sound like I helped things. He also finally received a call from the USAF. He dreamed of being a marine and was actually nearly there, but had horrible health issues arise and a crappy record with the law from when he wAs much younger. So he also considered that. He hadn’t decided though as literally all of these calls came friday. Basically he says he’s telling me this because he doesn’t want to string me along while he decides and that we should end it now. But he could never say he wanted to end it and wants me gone. I begged him to say it to make it easier for me and he’s like “I can’t lie to you, it’s not what I want and it’s not fair to you” I knew he struggled with depression but he now tells more how serious is really is and all these choices are making things worse so he thinks leaving the state will help. I ask what happens next with us before he leaves and he says please still keep my number if you need anything ever. He asks if I’m going to be okay alone(uh duh, NO), If he could get me anything before he left-my laptop, a blanket, made sure I had somebody to call to talk about this(we both really only have one good friend and family to rely on so I’m pretty fucking alone-that’s another story for another day.) He very clearly was distraught over this, we both sobbed all night together, asked before we hugged each because it hurt so bad but we both really needed it bad. Even though we say a hard goodbye I beg and beg over the next few days how I wanna be there for him with him. And how it doesn’t make sense to make all these plans and promises and tell me how good I am for you, but say that you’re not good for me and I don’t deserve this hurt he’s causing. I begged for answers, and begged for him to just say the words I don’t want you. And he couldnt, he ended it “we should go our separate ways”, and we both began to delete each other’s social medias. It’s impossible right now to process this and forget him. He was the first person in the years I’ve dated people to ever call me beautiful. Pulled the whole “please don’t ever stop being your strong, quirky, amazing self. You’ll find someone who sees what I see and appreciates it too. But I can’t be what you need, I need help” crap. I see him in all these things in my new home that he helped with, we had so much in common that seeing the similarities hurts like hell. Realizing all of our plans won’t happen. And he threw it all away, and I don’t get why. All in the course of a day basically. Help?