Self conscious

I'm a pretty heavy girl. On the BMI scale, I'm considered obesed. But I fit a 14-16 and I'm 5'3". So as you can see... I'm obesed for my height. Anywho, my boyfriend is a stick. Like my arms are the size of his legs. No exaggeration! The sex is great! Making love to someone who cares for you and who loves you... So much better than a fuck-buddy. (Imo) I wanna ride him, but I feel so self-conscious about my weight that I back out of it. Like, I'd straddle him, but last second I lay back down on the bed. (And he always talks about picking me up and carrying me... That makes me even more self-conscious) Not only that, I have dark areas in the creases near my vagina. If that makes sense... Like they look dirty but it's not... If you watch porn and her whole area looks like the color of her skin, mines not.

So anyways, whenever he's down on me, or he's looking down as we fuck, I get even MORE self-conscious because I think that he thinks I don't clean myself there.

I know that last part, it's natural... I hope... For some women. I just want pointers on how can I ride my man without feeling like I'm squishing him...

I have a love/hate relationship with my body, but who doesn't? Some days I'm hot, and some days I'm a whale.